Hell

"Hell" is a visual story of navigating a depressive and suicidal episode, using portraiture and landscapes to bend reality, explore metaphysical space, and contemplate loneliness, strangeness and shame, in an earnest attempt to make meaning.

Hell is a black pit and it lives inside of me

Hell is created from and about my decades-long reoccurring depression. In 2024, I experienced an acute depressive episode which led me to heavily consider suicide. I earnestly navigate this taboo, examining it's roots - whether genetic, environmental, chemical, or stemming from social systems - and how masculine/feminine dynamics ease and exacerbate it. 

Taking inspiration from nature's innate power of transformation, the work relies on concepts of metaphysics and spirituality. The elements earth, fire, and water are representations of energy, while landscapes oscillate between intimidating and comforting. The portraits in this work are taken with respect to both masculine and feminine sensitivity and beauty. They are not the obvious oppressors or cause of my suffering; instead they are meant to act as mirrors of myself that go hand-in-hand with the self portraits. The archetype of the Witch represents the transition of a woman's life, the patriarchal disdain for unbounded aspects of femininity and resilience, as witches are historically labeled as seductive, powerful, inherently evil, magical, healers and ultimately a threat to the established standards of society. 

Hell is the outcome of this time spent traveling alone and using film as a means for proof of life and purpose. Overall, I relate through emotive imagery rather than direct narrative and the result is a non-linear story that seeks to reveal the most hidden and shamed parts of myself. Though this, I investigate the liminal spaces of the psyche with vulnerability, and offer myself to play the main character in my own story.