A Deal With God

"'A teaching went forth, a belief ran beside it: Everything is empty, everything is one, everything is past! And from every hill it resounded: Everything is empty everything is one, everything is past!'" 

-The Prophet, Thus Spoke Zarathustra, Friedrich Nietzsche​ 

"'This long lane behind us: it goes on for an eternity. And that long lane ahead of us - that is another eternity. They are in opposition to one another, these paths; they abut on one another: and it is here at this gateway that they come together. The name of the gateway is written above it:"Moment"'".

-Of The Vision and The Riddler, Thus Spoke Zarathustra, Friedrich Nietzsche 

 I am held to my surroundings by my shaking fingers and the smell of exhaust drifting in the air next to me. What I can see, hear, smell and touch brings me to the exact time and place of where I am standing. The constant awareness of human life outside of my viewpoint quiets down enough for me to appreciate the hum of a single fluorescent light. I can accept this as the present. I wish to hold onto the feeling for as long as I am able, but once the wind stops hitting my face I am no longer capable of distinguishing my interactions within the world from myself. What makes the company of the present so intimate is its entanglement with the future and the past. A moment of simultaneous reflection within what has happened and what is to come. These photographs are my keepsakes that I am scared that everything I have come to know will leave before I understand it. By photographing, I can give myself an illusion of control to process. I am playing God, whether that is to make it last.

As a young girl, my first memories and introduction to life began with September 11th. The camera lens acted like a microscope, I could privately question the conservative American belief system I participated in. Retrospectively my thesis project was created as a way for me to take up space as a storyteller and address the emotional confines I was feeling throughout adolescence. I am now able to settle from searching for answers, peace, home, connections with people, and my past religion...maybe settling on that is what I will always be doing. Photography has served as protection and representation, giving me the freedom of expression and the liberation of curiosity.