A Tear for Someone Undeserving by Sunniva Hestenes

A Tear for Someone Undeserving was prompted by the sudden death of the artist's mother and invites us on an introspective visual journey through an emotional terrain shaped by grief, complexity, and dysfunctional family dynamics.

The relationship between my mother and I has never been a pleasant one. As a child, I often imagined that she had been abducted and replaced by a crueler, more malevolent version of herself, a fantasy that allowed me to rationalise her treatment. For years, I saw her as a paradox. It was unfathomable to me how her mood could shift so abruptly and how others, apart from my father and I, remembered her as a kind and caring individual.

On August 11, 2021, my father called me and said that my mother had been found dead in a hotel apartment from an alcoholic overdose. The call came on the day I was preparing to return to Sweden for my studies. The news was, of course, shocking. Our relationship had been tainted by years of deception and manipulation, leaving me with a complex mix of anger, sadness, and relief. The cruelest realisation of it all was that this loss was not just the loss of my mother, it was the loss of any hope for her to become the mother I had needed her to be. There would be no reconciliation, no answers to the questions that lingered. The person we knew was gone, and the version of her that we experienced had never existed for her friends or extended family.

A Tear for Someone Undeserving emerged as a consequence, exploring grief and the unresolved complexities of our relationship. The project apposes newly created works with archival family photographs weaving together a narrative of loss, resilience, and the fractured dynamics of family life.

One particularly poignant photograph captured by me at the age of 6 illustrates my mother in a moment of visible intoxication, encapsulating the emotional toll on a child caregiving for a parent battling addiction. In this context, photography becomes a symbolic structure: archival images from the past serve as its walls, the symbolic resonance of imagery as its foundation, and the present moment as its lived interior. The photographs hint at emotional landscapes shaped by strained relationships, revealing the interplay between memory and reality. They document rituals of mourning, foretell tragedy, and reflect a relationship that will forever remain stagnant.

Beyond its deeply personal roots, A Tear for Someone Undeserving holds broader societal relevance. By addressing themes of addiction, familial dysfunction, and the stigmas surrounding grief, the project fosters a more nuanced understanding of these issues. It challenges simplified narratives, emphasising the far-reaching impact of addiction and the emotional weight carried by those left behind. This work extends beyond the confines of individual experience, situating itself within larger conversations about memory, tradition, and the fragile nature of human relationships. It invites viewers to engage with the universal themes of loss and resilience, using photography as a means of preserving and reinterpreting the complexities of family bonds. Through its layered narrative and symbolic imagery, the project transcends the personal to become a meditation on the enduring significance of identity, grief, and the stories we carry.