I Love You, Yet Not

This project is a visual exploration of shame, identity, and belonging, reflecting a personal journey shaped by family silence, emotional neglect, and the struggle to be seen and accepted.

"I love you, my son, the one who likes women," is what his father told Carlos when, at 14, he finally found the courage to tell him he was gay.

Carlos first realized he liked boys when he was five. From that moment, shame became a constant presence: like a second skin shaping the way he inhabited the world.

Trying to be the perfect child became a survival strategy. He understood that, to protect himself, he must not disappoint and had to follow a script, because love is offered only as long as it doesn’t cause discomfort.

He grew up observing bonds that operated in silence, where mockery, pressure, and indifference were normalized. This created a conflict between his inner world and the outside world: a fragmented identity between what others expected of him and what he could truly give.

Family should be the first place where care is unconditional, and vulnerability is not punished. When that primary bond teaches that no matter what you do it will never be enough, an early wound forms. Carlos then learns to give himself what he was never taught to receive.

This project, I Love You, Yet Not, is a visual exploration of shame, identity, and the struggle to belong. It shares a personal journey while opening a space to reflect on how emotional neglect and unspoken rules shape who we become.

And though staying silent sometimes hurts less than speaking, living in a quiet voice can also be suffocating.