Trans(ition) Elliot "I never knew what the word transgender meant, I didn’t even know such thing existed until I was 14 or so. As a kid my friends and I would always come up all kinds of stories and we would play pretend, becoming whoever we wanted to be. I was always a male character and when someone would tell me I can’t because of a “girl” I would get angry. I enjoyed being a boy, dressing like a boy and being treated like one, but that was always dismissed by everyone saying I’m just a tomboy. When there would be a big event (for example Christmas) my mum would always make me wear dresses and skirts, no matter how much I fought against it. It made me feel uncomfortable, like it wasn’t me. And so whenever I got the chance I would dress like a boy, stealing my cousin’s hoodies and my dad’s caps and shoes to walk around the house, feeling free even though no one took that seriously. And that was enough until the puberty kicked in, and everything went downhill again. We moved to England when I was 12, leaving everything behind. I was kind of happy about that as I could start fresh but I knew I would miss my family. But of course it didn’t matter where we went as my parents would continue forcing me to wear dressed to my new school until we got into a fight and we agreed on me wearing trousers. Even during the hot summer in PE I couldn’t stand wearing the skirt and I would rather boil in the baggy trousers meant to be worn in winter. As I mentioned before, I figured out what transgender was when I was around 14, I just looking through the internet until I stumbled across a BBC video about someone’s transition into a male and that’s when it hit me. It matched how I feel perfectly but since I was brought up Christian and was with a very religious partner at the time I dismissed it as well as my attraction to women, forcing myself to think I’m a straight girl. Whenever I asked people why I feel like I want to be a boy they would think I’m joking or would just tell me I’m confused and that went on for another two years. In those two years, I cut my hair shorter and shorter, wearing more masculine clothing to experiment and would pretend I’m a boy online where people didn’t know me. That comforted me. Since I cut my hair short, most strangers and teacher that didn’t know me would call me a boy and it still felt nice but everyone around me would jump in saying I’m a “girl”. That word began to hurt more and more with time when used towards me. Then my partner broke up with me in 2018 and as hurtful as it was, I felt free. Knowing I’m under no obligation to be that perfect Christian woman, I could be myself, a man and I began working on that. I started doing a lot of research as I wasn’t that familiar with the steps in the transition and the effects of it. When I knew that I wanted to undergo the transition for certain I decided to come out to my mum first, she didn’t take it well and neither did my dad when she told him. They didn’t know what that term meant either and they thought it’s just a phase or result of a trauma that the breakup brought me. But I knew that wasn’t true. It resulted in a lot of fights between us. The lack of support from my parents lead me to being very distant to them and I would do almost everything behind their backs lying whenever I went out or just not telling them anything at all. In the summer of 2018 I went to the NCS program for a month, only coming back on the weekends. In that program I met other transgender people and that helped me a lot as I realized I’m not as alone as I thought I was. After the program has ended I decided to pursue with my transition knowing that it’s what I want and need in order to accept myself. I know I’m not a girl and I really wish that I was born as a male, however I tell myself that there must have been a reason why I am this way. I appreciate everyone I have met in this life and I want to help people understand that people like us exist and are as valid as any other being. Maybe that’s why I am here. After many months filled with fights, my parents are finally coming around to understand that I am a man, their son, as well as my friends. My name is Elliott and I am pre-T, thank you for reading my story so far. "
