Through My Child's Eyes

  • Dates
    2013 - 2022
  • Author
  • Topics Archive, Contemporary Issues, Daily Life, Documentary, Fine Art, Portrait
  • Location Australia, Australia

Composed of recreated archival photographs, originally taken by my five-year-old son, paired with my own current reflections of the time ‘Through My Child’s Eyes’ chronicles a chapter of time when new life and near death momentarily sat side by side.

In 2013 I was diagnosed with stage four HER2-positive breast cancer. The news came just six weeks before our second baby was due to be born. The road ahead was long, involving a two-year cardio-toxic treatment plan, further complicated by a pre-existing heart condition (postpartum cardiomyopathy) I had developed while giving birth to our first child, Griffin.

Luckily, our unborn baby was safely tucked away in another woman’s womb, being gestated for us with love and care. At the time of his birth, I had completed 2 of 18 planned chemotherapy treatment cycles. As a result, my frail body was going through medically induced menopause, and yet... there I was having phantom breastmilk letdowns whenever our newborn cried for milk.

Looking at it now, from an ‘all clear’ standpoint, I felt a burning need to create something tangible of it, to lay it all down in story form so I could begin to understand and process what my family and I went through.

I began to trawl the archives for visual memories to draw from when I discovered my five-year-old’s album. Looking back, I remember encouraging him to photograph me at key moments throughout my treatment plan. I think I felt seeing me through a camera might help him process what was happening to his mother. So, in part, these photos are his memories.

Composed of recreated archival photographs originally taken by my five-year-old son, Griffin, paired with my own current reflections of the time, ‘Through My Child’s Eyes’ chronicles a chapter of time when new life and near death momentarily sat side by side. The series seeks to provide a balanced view between the past and the present, through child-adult perspectives, in sickness and in health.

© Lisa Murray - Image from the Through My Child's Eyes photography project
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As commissioning parents in the world of surrogacy we were taught by our councillors to ‘Prepare for the Unexpected’ This series tells the story of our ‘unexpected’. which was beyond anything we could ever have imagined or planned for.

© Lisa Murray - Image from the Through My Child's Eyes photography project
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I knew from the technician’s reaction to my mammogram that the news would be bad. But all I heard during the diagnosis delivery was ‘there are four boxes you don’t want to tick and you tick all four’.

© Lisa Murray - Image from the Through My Child's Eyes photography project
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I later discovered my Cardiologist had advised against the cardio-toxic treatment plan proposed by my Oncologist, but chose to override his opinion, arguing that without it I would be facing a certain death.

© Lisa Murray - Image from the Through My Child's Eyes photography project
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Looking back at it now, I recall the exact moment on the trolley, adorned in worn, crisped hospital whites, prepped for surgery and pumped with adrenalin as I was about to have my breast removed.

© Lisa Murray - Image from the Through My Child's Eyes photography project
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Preparing for chemotherapy is brutal. The day I cut off my long, youthful hair, I knew it would never return in the same way again. It was hard to say goodbye, but everything’s always measured against the alternative -dying- and it was easier than dying.

© Lisa Murray - Image from the Through My Child's Eyes photography project
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The pink hue on the grass indicates where it has been poisoned. The weeds have now gone, and new growth appears, changed, but more beautiful than before. This is how I’ve visualised chemotherapy working in my body.

© Lisa Murray - Image from the Through My Child's Eyes photography project
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It’s so difficult to depict love and pain at the same time, but my memory of our surrogate, Claire, birthing our baby, for me, was like dancing an in-between space where new life and near death momentarily sat side by side.

© Lisa Murray - When time is measured in treatment cycles and how much hair the other ‘egg heads’ have who surround me in oncology.
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When time is measured in treatment cycles and how much hair the other ‘egg heads’ have who surround me in oncology.

© Lisa Murray - Image from the Through My Child's Eyes photography project
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‘Radio’ seemed a lighter and more freeing term than ‘radiation’. It also allowed me to pick different theme songs to be fried to - It kind of set the tone for lightly avoiding the idea that I was being nuked and I ran with it.

© Lisa Murray - Image from the Through My Child's Eyes photography project
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A lactation consultant assured me I could get my milk supply back using a breast pump. So, six weeks before our surrogate mother was due to give birth, I decided to try. It was in that moment I found the lump in my right breast; I just knew…

© Lisa Murray - Image from the Through My Child's Eyes photography project
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Here it is.This ordinary day.This monumental but surprisingly ordinary day.The scans are done. The scans are clear, and I’m now considered cancer free!!

© Lisa Murray - Image from the Through My Child's Eyes photography project
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I have every reason to believe it is the power of motherhood that has kept me ‘earth-side’ ever since that fateful diagnosis.

© Lisa Murray - Image from the Through My Child's Eyes photography project
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I recently turned fifty and it felt like a big number but after surviving heart failure and breast cancer – one near death experience for each of my children – I know that any number is a gift and there is beauty in all stages.