Origins of Sexuality

Origins of Sexuality is a photographic exploration of how childhood experiences shape adult sexuality. The series investigates these tensions, blending personal reflection with a broader inquiry into how trauma forms sexual identity.

Through images of my handcrafted macrame floggers, I examine BDSM not as fetish or provocation, but as a deeply personal language of connection, trust, and agency. The series asks: what are the origins of sexuality, and how does childhood context shape our sexual expressions in the future? Is sexuality an escape, a haven, a way to control fear? In sexual interaction, are we truly experiencing one another, or unconsciously re-living past traumas?

Psychology suggests adult sexuality takes root in early childhood—from skin-to-skin contact with caregivers, developing trust, early pleasurable sensations, and formative experiences in the Oedipal period. Ideally, positive experiences reinforce desire, negative experiences teach boundaries—but human sexuality rarely works so simply. Traumatic events often find expression in the bedroom, as sex becomes a fast, understandable way for the psyche to negotiate the dialogue between conscious and unconscious. Why do so many of us gravitate toward what once hurt us? Where does it start, and where should it end? And should it be ended?

I discovered my path to BDSM unexpectedly—through creating macrame floggers. As a domestic violence and ritual sexual assault survivor, I never imagined BDSM would become my home, a place where I am truly myself. This practice became a space of agency and a canvas for exploring the links between trauma, control, and pleasure. While the connection between early trauma and my attraction to domination is clear, the question remains: would I desire what I desire if my childhood had been less violent?