Kiss Of Death

Was our life too beautiful? We asked ourselves when my husband was diagnosed with metastatic cancer. Everything started to revolve around this (not yet) death sentence.

Three years ago, life hit hard. My daughter, our second born, was just six months old when my husband, only 35 at the time, was diagnosed with metastatic melanoma. ‘Focus on quality rather than quantity,’ they told us, in other words, ‘You have terminal cancer; you’re going to die.’ We were still getting used to being a family of four, finding new routines, the right balance. But we never made it that far, our pink cloud vanished overnight. All the struggles we faced before suddenly seemed insignificant. Everything revolved around this (not yet) death sentence. Sometimes it felt like we were punished because our life was simply too beautiful.

Kiss of Death is a visual narrative of my life, from idyll to nightmare. It presents my photographs taken before and after the cancer diagnosis, in chronological order. Through my lens, I captured everything, our home, our travels, the beauty of ordinary days, all while our world quietly crumbled. What was once a documentation of (family) life slowly turned into a desperate attempt to hold on to what was slipping away. The images reflect our struggle to stay connected amid chaos: portraits of hope, self-portraits etched with exhaustion and fear. In between the lines of these photographs are sleepless nights in hospital rooms, the ache of not being able to hold our baby, the unbearable weight of hearing the words “you are going to die.” There were days I cried before opening my eyes. Moments I was there but not really present. Fear lived with us, fear of losing him, fear of losing us.

Following an interview in de Volkskrant, I was approached by Steven Hond of Komma Publishers to create a photo book together.

• Title: Kiss of Death
• Publisher: Komma
• Design: Design by Toko, Michaël Lugmayr
• Format: 20 × 26 cm
• 192 pages, 96 printed spreads
• Swiss binding allowing the book to lay completely flat
• Colored edges, title in foil print
• Expected release: Fall 2025