In search of presence

’In search of presence’ is a personal process of unraveling how early experiences of emotional absence in parent-child dynamics affect forming connections in adult life.

This project grew out of a realization. I became aware of patterns in my behavior and perception, that are not just personality traits, but consequences of early emotional dynamics, shaped and disrupted in childhood.

I’m often wrongfully fixing, bridging, carrying. I feel attracted to certain symbols - shelters, things falling apart, grim atmospheres. I’m drawn to the tension between safety and threat, closeness and distance, vulnerability and resilience. In a state of hypervigilance, never being fully at ease, this balance is constantly shifting. 

The images emerge from a slow, intuitive process. It’s not about trauma as a single event, but about the quiet culmination of instability in formative years. This creates internal scripts, often as a hidden truth. 

This project is a personal exploration as well as an invitation to uncover new space in the mechanisms that shape how we love, hold back or reach out. 

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As a photographic artist, I explore the struggle between closeness and distance in our relationships with others, animals, and nature. I’m fascinated by inner burdens, doubt, the tension between surface appearances and hidden truths. My artistic approach is poetic and intuitive. I enjoy working with various types of paper, graphic printing techniques and bookbinding. Through my work I aim to inspire people to stay closer to their nature.

This project was developed over the past year, guided by several mentors including Rafal Milach, Laia Abril and Peter Puklus. Through critical feedback the project gradually took shape - in terms of unraveling the theme, as well as the visual strategy and narrative sequence. Alongside this, I went through an intensive personal and emotional process, which also enriched the work a lot.

The book itself came to life with editing advise by Yana and Calin Kruse of Dienacht in Berlin. It is printed on very thin, yet strong, Japanese washi paper (39gsm) - a rare and challenging material for professional printers. The fragility and transparent effect of the paper align beautifully with the concept of the project; it adds a delicate feeling and tension to the visual experience.

Designed to open to the right, the book introduces a sense of unease. The block is hand-bound with blue silk thread. Throughout there are several lift-up photographs, printed on handmade paper. These elements function as 'protection shields' or tactile moments of pause in the book. A few multidimensional fold-outs create more layers of interpretation and interaction.

This book marks a conclusion for me - both of the subject matter and of the personal journey. I love how the different aspects (conceptual, emotional, and physical elements) have come together.

This artist book came out in a limited edition of 35. A flip-through video can be seen on my website: https://www.easylikesundaymorning.net/index.php/photo/in-search-of-presence/