I do not want to become my mother

Langenhoven's project "I do not want to become my mother" explores the complex relationship between mothers and daughters, reflecting on societal expectations and limitations placed on women, through archives and performative self-portraiture.

My project "I do not want to become my mother" is a deeply personal exploration of my complex relationship with my mom, shaped by the societal expectations and limitations placed on women in my culture which was largely based on toxic patriarchy. Growing up in apartheid-era South Africa, she was expected to prioritise her role as a mother and caregiver, suppressing her own artistic aspirations and political views. Being a child, I was oblivious of the turmoil our country was going through at the time. As I grew older, I began to see the toll this took on her, and from a young age I witnessed it all culminating in a debilitating depression that made me fear I'd follow a similar path.

I realised that what happens between mothers and daughters is often a reflection of the broader societal context – the way women are valued, the roles they're expected to fulfil, and the dreams they're discouraged from pursuing. My mother was expected to carry this generational trauma, and often she was made to feel silenced, she simply had to acquiesce to what was expected of her, and so this was my role model as well. We spend our childhood watching our moms, soaking in how she thinks, how she feels, how she behaves and does things, and particularly how she feels about herself. Through this project, I'm trying to understand my mom's experiences, and my own, by reimagining memories and exploring our relationship through archival family photos and performative self-portraiture. The archival images depict a sense of normalcy, when things were far from normal. By working with my mom and involving her in the process, I'm slowly uncovering the complexities of our bond and the ways in which our experiences are intertwined.