Hanging Out - In Nature (self-portrait diptych series)

In 2020, my sadness and loss, together with years of repressed emotion, became the catalyst for introspection and the beginning of my journey towards self-acceptance.

The year began with a global pandemic that brought the world to its knees. I, like many, also faced a brutal reminder of the devastating effects of ignoring the still stigmatised topic of mental health. Within 3 months, I had lost both my partner, Simon, and my friend of 26 years, Conrad, to suicide. On the 31st May 2020, I too, completely crumbled. Gut-wrenching heartache and the outpour of suppressed feelings, took me to a scary, yet honest place.

Hanging Out - In Nature was born during this pivotal period and marks the reattempt of an all too familiar journey towards self-healing. This time though, I expose my vulnerability, giving a voice to my process through the use of self-portraits. These images portray my femininity and fragility. They portray being held captive, not by lockdown regulations, but by my self-limiting learned beliefs. A time of grieving, acceptance and letting go. A growing awareness, means I am no longer able to hide from myself, however, although armed with a wealth of knowledge and practical tools, self-sabotage, once a mystery in its obvious insanity, continues to wait in the wings.

Drawing strength from a number of resources, I have found nature to be the most consistent teacher and healer, reinforcing that change is the only constant in life. My self-portrait series is ongoing and as I have attempted to evolve and change, so has this project progressed into a series of diptychs. The imagery whether contradictory or complementary, evoking feelings of either discord or harmony, allow my process of both self-forgiveness and self-acceptance to begin. Undoubtedly, both my series and myself, will continue to progress and evolve over time.

A. All self-portraits were shot on the 31st May 2020, in Cape Town, South Africa.

B. Each one of the natural elements was shot in Cape Town, South Africa during the Covid -19 lockdown. The individual locations vary.