Burning Lilies

© Anne Nobels - The lily's associations with femininity and fertility became a big symbol for me and our journey. © Anne Nobels - Image from the Burning Lilies photography project © Anne Nobels - Image from the Burning Lilies photography project View all images ↓
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  • Dates
    2021 - Ongoing
  • Author
  • Location Netherlands, Netherlands
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By making myself vulnerable and taking my own experiences as a starting point, I break down the taboo of consciously remaining childless with Burning Lilies.

Burning Lilies

Burning Lilies' is about my conscious choice not to have children. It shows the vulnerability of this choice in itself and its consequences. This choice caused a stir in my and my partner's circle of friends and family. Despite our choice being made, the opinions and counter-arguments remain a sensitive issue. Who will take care of us later? And isn't it our moral obligation as human beings to procreate? Besides the fact that such a choice is already drastic, navigating a sea of ​​​​opinions of our loved ones is an additional struggle.

In each photo in the series I depict the arguments of us and our loved ones have about our choice. A friend with her child and husband show how my contemporaries can derive joy from parenthood, but it’s a big responsibility. Three hands of three generations holding the long stem of a flower show my mother and grandmother. I myself cut the flower at the root: it will not grow any further. Burning lilies refer to the lily's associations with femininity and fertility. By letting it burn, it irreversibly loses its beauty.

By making myself vulnerable and taking my own experiences as a starting point, I break down the taboo of consciously remaining childless with Burning Lilies. For me that's what's it's all about, starting an open discussion without judgement.

© Anne Nobels - The lily's associations with femininity and fertility became a big symbol for me and our journey.
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The lily's associations with femininity and fertility became a big symbol for me and our journey.

© Anne Nobels - Image from the Burning Lilies photography project
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We fell in love in our early twenties, still unsure what we wanted out of life. Just happy to be together. Kids or no kids, it wasn't even part of the discussion yet.

© Anne Nobels - Image from the Burning Lilies photography project
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As our friends started to get married, the first babies came along too. And it's clear they derive much joy from parenthood and this get projected onto us: 'You'd be great parents!

© Anne Nobels - Image from the Burning Lilies photography project
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Every woman of my age seems to be pregnant, wanting to be pregnant or already has a child. And isn't it our moral obligation as human beings to procreate?

© Anne Nobels - Image from the Burning Lilies photography project
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Thinking we would get positive or at least understanding reactions to our choice... Some were, but most were inconsiderate and filled with concern.

© Anne Nobels - Image from the Burning Lilies photography project
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The question we got most of all: 'Who will take care of you when you're old?' and the similar 'Won't you be lonely?'. We though of this off course, and it's scary not to know the answers. But having kids doesn't mean they will be there to take care of you when you're sick or old and grey. From our perspective it felt a little selfish to put a new life in this world just for us.

© Anne Nobels - Image from the Burning Lilies photography project
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‘Your body was made to make and raise babies, why would you want to miss out on that experiance?' It's true, I do feel like I'm less of a woman. My body is at it's peak fertility wise, and I think it's truly magical a womans body is capabel to make, deliver and feed a baby. But I've made my peace with it, my brain tells me it's not for me to be a parent. And I have much fun being the wierd 'aunt'.

© Anne Nobels - Image from the Burning Lilies photography project
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'You're being selfish, the world needs new people for us humans to survive.' Well yes, strictly economically speaking, we'd need more and more people. And off course it would be a disaster if everyone would suddenly decide not to have children, but we made this choice for us. We don't want to force our way of life on others.

© Anne Nobels - We have faith our love is strong enough for us to have a happy life with just the two of us.
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We have faith our love is strong enough for us to have a happy life with just the two of us.

© Anne Nobels - Image from the Burning Lilies photography project
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My grandmother's nearing the end, my mother's embracing the fullness of life, and mine, still budding but holding a pair of scissors, ready to sever the lineage. It's a visual chronicle of generations, each hand a chapter, capturing the bittersweet moment when growth meets its intentional conclusion, embodying the cyclical nature of life and the power to shape one's own narrative.

© Anne Nobels - A visual ode to the open, unrestricted but uncertain future we've embraced.
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A visual ode to the open, unrestricted but uncertain future we've embraced.

© Anne Nobels - Image from the Burning Lilies photography project
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This little cat, sporting an unmistakable expression of mild annoyance, becomes the unwitting star of our small, cherished family. In this lighthearted tableau, the image encapsulates the joy and contentment found in our feline companions.

© Anne Nobels - Image from the Burning Lilies photography project
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This work symbolizes me not jugding the reactions we got on our decision not to have kids, but (trying) to reflect them. I used to take others opinions way to personal, and got hurt a lot. Now I know to look at the context and see most people don’t know their comments could be hurtful. They are just curious or try to give advise (in an awkward way).

© Anne Nobels - Image from the Burning Lilies photography project
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By making this series I've found many people that felt thankfull and happy to talk about this subject. Sometimes because they felt the same, or because it made them understand our choice eventhough they've taken an other route. Even people that regret their choice of having kids. And a lot of people that where still undecided and felt pleased to openly discus the subject without being judged.