50 mg

After Russian full scale invasion to Ukraine I started to take antidepressants for the first time in my life. I was escaping horror of the day and agreeing for a horror of the night. Because one of many possible side effects were nightmares.

Nightmares are among many side effects which one of the antidepressants I was taking had. For having a day without a dark hole and for a possibility to have a deep sleep every night I was going to bed not knowing what I will see next. Many of my mornings I started with telling myself: It was just a dream, it is not true. Some nights I just called “bad dreams”. My gradation of nightmares changed. Bad dreams became a term for something unpleasant, but still not so horrible.

One morning my partner asked me: “Did you have bad dreams?”. “I was killed”, - I have answered.

I have started to take antidepressants after half of a year since Russian full-scale invasion of Ukraine. I was escaping horror of the day and agreeing for a horror of the night. And I was choosing it. This project is a part of a bigger one on depression. Visualising depression also has a therapeutic effect on me.