Make Me Beautiful

  • My cosmetic surgery diagnosis 1

  • Inside a cosmetic surgery beauty consulting room in Beijing, China

  • My cosmetic surgery diagnosis 2

  • At the doorstep of a cosmetic surgery in Beijing, China

  • My cosmetic surgery diagnosis 3

  • Having a skin test at a cosmetic surgery in Beijing, China

  • A corner of a cosmetic surgery beauty consulting room, Tianjin, China

  • Obsession

  • My cosmetic surgery diagnosis 4

  • Time tunnel 1

  • A staircase nicknamed "time tunnel" at a cosmetic surgery, Beijing, China

  • Time tunnel 2

  • My cosmetic surgery diagnosis 5

  • A mirror full of fingerprints, recreated from a mirror I saw at a cosmetic surgery in Tianjin, China

  • These are eight photos of people who have done cosmetic surgery, taken before the surgeries were done. The photos are published on websites specialized in cosmetic surgery sharing and searching, along with their selfie photos after the surgery and their "feelings" throughout their journey towards beauty. Although the "feelings" are claimed to be written by these people themselves, they appear rather publicity-like. I saved their pre-surgery photos, removed the commercial watermarks added by the website on them, used knife to cut on them, and searched for real feelings people who have done cosmetic surgery left on public forums, TV speeches and so on to pair with the photos that are restored and processed again. Caption: "I smile every time I see myself in the mirror."

  • "It is the first time I was called a “Goddess”. It is the first time I was favored by a prince-like guy. It is the first time I liked being photographed. It is the first time I think my money was well spent. It is the first time that I know pretty people are treated differently. It is the first time that no one calls me ugly or a man. It is the first time I dare to post my photo on social media, saying that I look a bit off color today. It is the first time I dare to speak up for myself without worrying about comments like “Ugly people always make more troubles”. Even though I’m from an ordinary family, people think I’m rich. As long as my personality is not too bad I can be popular."

  • "My desire for cosmetic surgery was born when I was a fourth-grade student in primary school. It may sound unimaginable but in that young mind, apart from multiplication maths, are plans of how I should wound myself in the future. And, until high school graduation, I never appeared in single one of group photos. First night after the surgery, I kept throwing up because of anesthetic allergies. I was at the edge of collapsing, but I at last had the courage to take out the few photos I had of myself, and looked at them through the gauze. The young me had hidden double eye lid, quite puffy eyes, weird nose and a fairly acceptable oval face. With half-abased, half-angry expressions, I stared into the camera. “Farewell.” I said."

  • "Sometimes I also wonder Who’s the person in the mirror?"

  • "I’ve had cosmetic surgeries for thirteen times. I became the beauty in people’s eyes. Suddenly people treated me differently. It’s like a dream. I’m living a fake life, spending everyday like a heroine of idol drama. Some people call me a cosmetic surgery monster, calling my face fake, and the kindness and love I gained because of my face are all fake. But so what? At least I gained them. Without good appearance, people won’t even want to know your inner world. Sorry, I had come to terms with this world that judges people by appearances."

{"id":23254,"grant_id":12,"user_id":46406,"grant_submission_status_id":4,"grant_result_type_id":null,"cover_block_id":259821,"story_id":25533,"place_id":null,"title":"Make Me Beautiful","excerpt":null,"excerpt_raw":null,"body":"<p>In China, over 10 million people have cosmetic surgeries each year. As it self-discipline on face gets more and more common, and cosmetic surgery becomes an increasingly resorted to measure for common people, I'm interested in the reasons and mechanism behind such zeal.\r<\/p><p>I went to different cosmetic surgeries for diagnoses, and asked the \u201cbeauty designers\u201c to write surgery plans for my face. Other than pointing out my \"defects\", they also volunteer to offer me different solutions according to my preference, letting me choose from the most popular types of faces like choosing products on a shelf - sounds like face is my only obstacle to those dream life. I smell my desire and weakness in front of the overwhelming consumerism culture.\r<\/p><p>Apart from cosmetic surgery diagnoses and photos I took of some cosmetic surgeries, I also collected pre-surgery portrait photos of the people who have already done cosmetic surgeries from cosmetic surgery specialty websites, removed watermarks added by the websites to return their original look, and cut patterns on the portraits with a knife, before attaching to each of them thoughts shared by people who have done cosmetic surgery in my own handwriting.These photos remind me of death masks, post-mortem photos, or perhaps all the photos - as the moment they are being made suggests the past and the lost. But there are more to these portraits: hope, insecurity, determination, farewell, secret\u2026\r<\/p><p>The project is ongoing, and I wish I could eventually make a photobook out of it.<\/p>","body_raw":"In China, over 10 million people have cosmetic surgeries each year. As it self-discipline on face gets more and more common, and cosmetic surgery becomes an increasingly resorted to measure for common people, I'm interested in the reasons and mechanism behind such zeal.\r\n\r\nI went to different cosmetic surgeries for diagnoses, and asked the \u201cbeauty designers\u201c to write surgery plans for my face. Other than pointing out my \"defects\", they also volunteer to offer me different solutions according to my preference, letting me choose from the most popular types of faces like choosing products on a shelf - sounds like face is my only obstacle to those dream life. I smell my desire and weakness in front of the overwhelming consumerism culture.\r\n\r\nApart from cosmetic surgery diagnoses and photos I took of some cosmetic surgeries, I also collected pre-surgery portrait photos of the people who have already done cosmetic surgeries from cosmetic surgery specialty websites, removed watermarks added by the websites to return their original look, and cut patterns on the portraits with a knife, before attaching to each of them thoughts shared by people who have done cosmetic surgery in my own handwriting.These photos remind me of death masks, post-mortem photos, or perhaps all the photos - as the moment they are being made suggests the past and the lost. But there are more to these portraits: hope, insecurity, determination, farewell, secret\u2026\r\n\r\nThe project is ongoing, and I wish I could eventually make a photobook out of it.","social_approval":0,"is_shortlisted":1,"is_other":0,"is_good":null,"is_strong":0,"is_ongoing":1,"is_unpublished":0,"sent_first_email_reminder":0,"awaiting_payment":1,"has_started_payment":1,"has_started_paypal_payment":0,"is_public":0,"media_ok":0,"has_tracked":1,"amount_paid":30,"original_price":0,"external_id":"cs_live_Z7RJ5C7aHFSauB8RbVGHXoDA8yfMiWeMBXQpRzMg96GhqfRtB8ICudPv","payment_id":"pi_1GCzVWEzbGXaFe0ghPUDqUDL","session_id":null,"token":"CwbHk7Ak5zY8kIHNKmoiOjhpnWCslFF6","grant_order_id":6072,"submitted_at":"2020-02-17T02:39:41.000000Z","affiliate_id":null,"is_forced_public":1,"address_1":null,"city":null,"region":null,"country":null,"postcode":null,"codice_fiscale":null,"started_at":"2018-01-01T00:00:00.000000Z","ended_at":null,"created_at":"2020-02-13T03:11:23.000000Z","updated_at":"2020-02-17T11:30:01.000000Z","place":null,"publications":[],"categories":[],"tags":[{"id":157,"tag":"portrait","created_at":"2015-12-07T17:05:38.000000Z","updated_at":"2015-12-07T17:05:38.000000Z","pivot":{"grant_submission_id":23254,"tag_id":157}},{"id":40,"tag":"landscape","created_at":"2015-12-07T17:05:37.000000Z","updated_at":"2015-12-07T17:05:37.000000Z","pivot":{"grant_submission_id":23254,"tag_id":40}},{"id":2639,"tag":"social 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are eight photos of people who have done cosmetic surgery, taken before the surgeries were done. The photos are published on websites specialized in cosmetic surgery sharing and searching, along with their selfie photos after the surgery and their \"feelings\" throughout their journey towards beauty. Although the \"feelings\" are claimed to be written by these people themselves, they appear rather publicity-like. I saved their pre-surgery photos, removed the commercial watermarks added by the website on them, used knife to cut on them, and searched for real feelings people who have done cosmetic surgery left on public forums, TV speeches and so on to pair with the photos that are restored and processed again.\r\n\r\nCaption:\r\n\"I smile every time I see myself in the mirror.\"","caption_raw":"These are eight photos of people who have done cosmetic surgery, taken before the surgeries were done. The photos are published on websites specialized in cosmetic surgery sharing and searching, along with their selfie photos after the surgery and their \"feelings\" throughout their journey towards beauty. Although the \"feelings\" are claimed to be written by these people themselves, they appear rather publicity-like. I saved their pre-surgery photos, removed the commercial watermarks added by the website on them, used knife to cut on them, and searched for real feelings people who have done cosmetic surgery left on public forums, TV speeches and so on to pair with the photos that are restored and processed again.\r\n\r\nCaption:\r\n\"I smile every time I see myself in the mirror.\"","deleted_at":null,"image":{"id":381062,"filename":"\/users\/46406\/grant-submissions\/23254\/q5tqrwd444ec479f.jpg","has_tried_to_detect_moderation_labels":1,"has_moderation_labels":0,"moderation_label_json":null,"is_explicit":0,"is_not_explicit":0,"explicit_percentage":0,"created_at":"2020-02-17T02:26:20.000000Z","updated_at":"2021-03-05T03:37:13.000000Z"},"story_block":null},{"id":259813,"grant_submission_id":23254,"story_block_id":null,"image_id":381064,"position":15,"created_at":"2020-02-17T02:26:43.000000Z","updated_at":"2020-02-17T02:38:24.000000Z","caption":"\"It is the first time I was called a \u201cGoddess\u201d.\r\nIt is the first time I was favored by a prince-like guy.\r\nIt is the first time I liked being photographed.\r\nIt is the first time I think my money was well spent.\r\nIt is the first time that I know pretty people are treated differently.\r\nIt is the first time that no one calls me ugly or a man.\r\nIt is the first time I dare to post my photo on social media, saying\r\nthat I look a bit off color today.\r\nIt is the first time I dare to speak up for myself without worrying\r\nabout comments like \u201cUgly people always make more troubles\u201d.\r\n\r\nEven though I\u2019m from an ordinary family, people think I\u2019m rich.\r\nAs long as my personality is not too bad I can be popular.\"","caption_raw":"\"It is the first time I was called a \u201cGoddess\u201d.\r\nIt is the first time I was favored by a prince-like guy.\r\nIt is the first time I liked being photographed.\r\nIt is the first time I think my money was well spent.\r\nIt is the first time that I know pretty people are treated differently.\r\nIt is the first time that no one calls me ugly or a man.\r\nIt is the first time I dare to post my photo on social media, saying\r\nthat I look a bit off color today.\r\nIt is the first time I dare to speak up for myself without worrying\r\nabout comments like \u201cUgly people always make more troubles\u201d.\r\n\r\nEven though I\u2019m from an ordinary family, people think I\u2019m rich.\r\nAs long as my personality is not too bad I can be popular.\"","deleted_at":null,"image":{"id":381064,"filename":"\/users\/46406\/grant-submissions\/23254\/q5tqsj249c2e6032.jpg","has_tried_to_detect_moderation_labels":1,"has_moderation_labels":0,"moderation_label_json":null,"is_explicit":0,"is_not_explicit":0,"explicit_percentage":0,"created_at":"2020-02-17T02:26:43.000000Z","updated_at":"2021-03-05T03:37:14.000000Z"},"story_block":null},{"id":259815,"grant_submission_id":23254,"story_block_id":null,"image_id":381066,"position":16,"created_at":"2020-02-17T02:26:48.000000Z","updated_at":"2020-02-17T02:38:24.000000Z","caption":"\"My desire for cosmetic surgery was born when I was a fourth-grade\r\nstudent in primary school. It may sound unimaginable but in that young\r\nmind, apart from multiplication maths, are plans of how I should wound\r\nmyself in the future. And, until high school graduation, I never appeared\r\nin single one of group photos.\r\n\r\nFirst night after the surgery, I kept throwing up because of anesthetic\r\nallergies. I was at the edge of collapsing, but I at last had the courage to\r\ntake out the few photos I had of myself, and looked at them through the\r\ngauze. The young me had hidden double eye lid, quite puffy eyes, weird\r\nnose and a fairly acceptable oval face. With half-abased, half-angry \r\nexpressions, I stared into the camera.\r\n\r\n\u201cFarewell.\u201d I said.\"","caption_raw":"\"My desire for cosmetic surgery was born when I was a fourth-grade\r\nstudent in primary school. It may sound unimaginable but in that young\r\nmind, apart from multiplication maths, are plans of how I should wound\r\nmyself in the future. And, until high school graduation, I never appeared\r\nin single one of group photos.\r\n\r\nFirst night after the surgery, I kept throwing up because of anesthetic\r\nallergies. I was at the edge of collapsing, but I at last had the courage to\r\ntake out the few photos I had of myself, and looked at them through the\r\ngauze. The young me had hidden double eye lid, quite puffy eyes, weird\r\nnose and a fairly acceptable oval face. With half-abased, half-angry \r\nexpressions, I stared into the camera.\r\n\r\n\u201cFarewell.\u201d I said.\"","deleted_at":null,"image":{"id":381066,"filename":"\/users\/46406\/grant-submissions\/23254\/q5tqsnc9c6d8f8c6.jpg","has_tried_to_detect_moderation_labels":1,"has_moderation_labels":0,"moderation_label_json":null,"is_explicit":0,"is_not_explicit":0,"explicit_percentage":0,"created_at":"2020-02-17T02:26:48.000000Z","updated_at":"2021-03-05T03:37:15.000000Z"},"story_block":null},{"id":259812,"grant_submission_id":23254,"story_block_id":null,"image_id":381063,"position":17,"created_at":"2020-02-17T02:26:41.000000Z","updated_at":"2020-02-17T02:38:24.000000Z","caption":"\"Sometimes I also wonder\r\nWho\u2019s the person in the mirror?\"","caption_raw":"\"Sometimes I also wonder\r\nWho\u2019s the person in the mirror?\"","deleted_at":null,"image":{"id":381063,"filename":"\/users\/46406\/grant-submissions\/23254\/q5tqsh88efb40119.jpg","has_tried_to_detect_moderation_labels":1,"has_moderation_labels":0,"moderation_label_json":null,"is_explicit":0,"is_not_explicit":0,"explicit_percentage":0,"created_at":"2020-02-17T02:26:41.000000Z","updated_at":"2021-03-05T03:37:15.000000Z"},"story_block":null},{"id":259814,"grant_submission_id":23254,"story_block_id":null,"image_id":381065,"position":18,"created_at":"2020-02-17T02:26:45.000000Z","updated_at":"2020-02-17T02:38:24.000000Z","caption":"\"I\u2019ve had cosmetic surgeries for thirteen times.\r\nI became the beauty in people\u2019s eyes.\r\nSuddenly people treated me differently.\r\nIt\u2019s like a dream.\r\nI\u2019m living a fake life,\r\nspending everyday like a heroine of idol drama.\r\nSome people call me a cosmetic surgery monster,\r\ncalling my face fake,\r\nand the kindness and love I gained because of my face are all fake.\r\nBut so what? At least I gained them.\r\n\r\nWithout good appearance, people won\u2019t even want to know your inner world.\r\n\r\nSorry, I had come to terms with this world that judges people by appearances.\"","caption_raw":"\"I\u2019ve had cosmetic surgeries for thirteen times.\r\nI became the beauty in people\u2019s eyes.\r\nSuddenly people treated me differently.\r\nIt\u2019s like a dream.\r\nI\u2019m living a fake life,\r\nspending everyday like a heroine of idol drama.\r\nSome people call me a cosmetic surgery monster,\r\ncalling my face fake,\r\nand the kindness and love I gained because of my face are all fake.\r\nBut so what? At least I gained them.\r\n\r\nWithout good appearance, people won\u2019t even want to know your inner world.\r\n\r\nSorry, I had come to terms with this world that judges people by appearances.\"","deleted_at":null,"image":{"id":381065,"filename":"\/users\/46406\/grant-submissions\/23254\/q5tqsl91b614077d.jpg","has_tried_to_detect_moderation_labels":1,"has_moderation_labels":0,"moderation_label_json":null,"is_explicit":0,"is_not_explicit":0,"explicit_percentage":0,"created_at":"2020-02-17T02:26:45.000000Z","updated_at":"2021-03-05T03:37:16.000000Z"},"story_block":null}],"cover_block_image":{"id":259821,"grant_submission_id":23254,"story_block_id":null,"image_id":381072,"position":3,"created_at":"2020-02-17T02:27:05.000000Z","updated_at":"2020-02-17T02:38:24.000000Z","caption":"My cosmetic surgery diagnosis 3","caption_raw":"My cosmetic surgery diagnosis 3","deleted_at":null,"image":{"id":381072,"filename":"\/users\/46406\/grant-submissions\/23254\/q5tqt545016fbd83.jpg","has_tried_to_detect_moderation_labels":1,"has_moderation_labels":0,"moderation_label_json":null,"is_explicit":0,"is_not_explicit":0,"explicit_percentage":0,"created_at":"2020-02-17T02:27:05.000000Z","updated_at":"2021-03-05T03:37:03.000000Z"}},"user":{"id":46406,"firstname":"Yufan","lastname":"Lu","username":"ylu","can_skip_grant_payment":0,"is_unsubscribed_from_grant_emails":0,"disabled_at":null,"gender":"female","has_agreed_to_newsletter":1,"has_agreed_to_newsletter_at":"2020-02-13 03:11:22","timezone":null,"is_legacy":0,"is_collateral_juror":0,"legacy_id":null,"accepted_tandcs_may18_at":"2020-02-13 03:11:22","last_logged_in_at":"2020-12-15T01:27:37.000000Z","last_logged_in_country":"US","registered_country":null,"is_not_spam":0,"created_at":"2020-02-13T03:11:22.000000Z","updated_at":"2020-12-15T01:27:37.000000Z","deleted_at":null,"profile":{"id":46343,"user_id":46406,"born_in_id":null,"based_in_id":null,"currently_in_id":null,"nationality_id":40,"avatar":null,"cover_image":null,"born_at":"1991-12-04T00:00:00.000000Z","profession":null,"bio":null,"long_bio":"","long_bio_raw":null,"display_name":null,"website_url":null,"profile_type_id":2,"show_age":0,"twitter_handle":null,"facebook_handle":null,"linkedin_handle":null,"skype_handle":null,"google_plus_handle":null,"pinterest_handle":null,"instagram_handle":null,"vimeo_handle":null,"youtube_handle":null,"telephone":null,"company_name":null,"address_1":null,"address_2":null,"city":null,"region":null,"country":null,"postcode":null,"vat_id":null,"codice_fiscale":null,"codice_destinatario":null,"pec_destinatario":null,"show_explicit_content":"0","created_at":"2020-02-13T03:11:22.000000Z","updated_at":"2020-02-17T02:40:16.000000Z"}}}