La favorita

This project investigates traumatic memory and its ambiguity in the absence of concrete evidence. Resisting what I've called a ‘regime of pornographic evidence’ it challenges the demand for visible and demostrable proof.

How do you talk about a process of abuse without even being certain it happened?

During 2024, and after multiple years of therapy, I started experiencing recurring dreams that showed me realizing of an abuse happening within the close family frame. During this process the dreams appeared sporadically to reveal deep physical feelings of rejection toward this person which I had experienced since childhood although I managed to hide them. These sensations helped remembering the peripheral acts of humiliation I do have suffered through the years.

This work does not seek to point to a specific person as the abuser but to investigate how to recover from traumatic memories while dealing with the ambiguous nature of these memories, specially when they “lack” concrete evidence. It emerges against a system that demands trauma be proven through visibility –what I have called a "regime of pornographic evidence"– resisting the expectations that suffering has to become legible, coherent and/or demonstrable in order to be acknowledged.

The project contains my wedding photos, showing my last social encounter with this person. From the beginning, I envisioned this work as a photobook. I have positioned the binding holes to match the abuser's facial features, as an 'executio in effigie'. The holes will materialize as small confetti pieces which I plan to keep as fragments. Those confetti will represent the potential to recover joy.

The title, La favorita (“the favorite”, in Spanish) is still today the term some family members use to describe the relation of that person to me. The book will be contained inside an envelope. To reach the book you will have to tear it down, mirroring the process of therapy and healing.