In the Shadow of the Fig tree

Dried figs in Olive oil is an ancient remedy prescribed to couples trying to conceive as it enhances fertility, but what if it’s the infertility of the mind that’s in question.

In ancient civilizations, goddesses of fertility are represented with power, crops, beauty and life. They were celebrated not only in giving fertility for human life but earth itself. The soil giving birth to plants, flowers and vegetables. A full belly representing happiness whether full of fruits of the earth or with the blessings of human life, celebrated. Barren lands and women described as empty or as dry as the deserts. I often wondered why that wasn’t celebrated. In order for the Amazon rain forests to survive, it depends on the dust that wind carries from the Sahara desert. What becomes of my life when I don’t carry life within me?

Life and nutrition given to us and forever bound through the umbilical cord is something that cannot be denied. The miracle of all of us carrying our mothers DNA and her mothers DNA going back all the way to Eve's DNA is within us all. Only women can give it to their children through Mitochondrial DNA which is the powerhouse of every cell within us. A powerful thought to ponder on, our maternal ancestors pumping through our veins, and yet they are not found in our family trees. What happens to my family tree if it ends with me?

I have indulged in many fertility remedies in an attempt to trick my body into changing my mind. It is only humans who make decisions on whether to conceive or not to, what does it mean when we choose not to do so? In the Quran, blood relatives are referred to as ‘Connections of the Womb’, culturally it is said that ‘Heaven is under the feet of mothers’. What happens to the female identity when it isn’t intertwined with bearing children? In mourning the loss of my mother, I found myself searching for comfort through connections with my maternal ancestry. It was through prayers and connecting with Mother Nature that I found peace. How are these connections affected when I lack the instinct to have children? This project explores the false sense of calm I feel towards not becoming a mother and how it affects the relationship I have with myself, religious beliefs and my role in society.