Dear Cinema,

Sometimes I think about how cinema suspended me and my family from reality. "Dear Cinema,” is a way for me to understand myself and my father through cinema and its many worlds.

Dear Cinema,

When I was about 14 years old, I took off from school and pedalled my bicycle to an abandoned hotel near the beach. I had heard from a friend that my favourite actor’s movie was being filmed there. At first, the line of vehicles and huge lights scared me, but I joined the crowd to watch the actor repeat his stunts for a fight sequence over and over again. The whole place was silent except for the sounds made by the stunt actors. I was only there for a photo with the actor, but more importantly, I wanted to see him in person. I’ve seen his image on the big screen, but what is he like in real? I can recall how exhilarated I felt when he glanced at me for just a second.

Was it the same feeling that made my grandfather leave his town to become an actor? Was it the same feeling people had when they visited my house to take a photograph with my grandfather, who had by then become famous? Was it the same feeling that made my father struggle all his youth, only to make a fleeting appearance in a film? What creates this allure towards cinema?

Sometimes I think about how cinema suspended me and my family from reality. My family would have been very different if my grandfather had not acted in the cinema, left his hometown with dreams of becoming an actor. He was fascinated by the image of an actor that he saw on screen. 

When one begins to look for answers to a recurring dream passed on from father to son, one finds oneself on the threshold of dreaming and waking. And when that line of separation becomes visible, even a little, the bigger picture comes into focus.

Cinema gave my family a time under the spotlight, but the life we constructed around it crumbled after the death of my grandfather. It was my father who led me into the world of cinema, and while he too dreamt of becoming an actor, his dream was star-crossed. He struggled all his youth, only to make a fleeting appearance in a film. While we shared a close bond during my childhood, at some point in time, during my teens, I started to drift away from him, unable to understand his obsession, love for cinema and the chaos it created in my family. I have always disliked it whenever anyone compared me to my father. There exists generational trauma within the family, and I am looking for ways to overcome it.

"Dear Cinema,” is a way for me to understand myself and my father through cinema and its many worlds. The more I visited the cinema halls, the more I realised what cinema gave and what it took.

Awards

"Dear Cinema," received the Alkazi Foundation for the Arts' 2025 Photobook Grant, and was produced as part of the Image Assembly workshop 2024-25, conducted by Cecile Poimbeouf Koizumi and Tanvi Mishra