Between family and identity

© Irina Kovalchuk - Image from the Between family and identity photography project © Irina Kovalchuk - Image from the Between family and identity photography project © Irina Kovalchuk - Image from the Between family and identity photography project View all images ↓
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Photos and interviews with 10 heroes - Chinese gays, for whom the biggest problem is not to have pressure from the society, but open up in their own families.

In many countries gay people feel pressure mostly from the society. In China this problem is a bit different - the biggest issue for Chinese gays is to come out inside of their own families. The way of life here is still quite traditional, especially in rural areas and small cities, so all parents expect their kids will be married at 23-25 years old and then give birth to the new generation.

There are a lot of people, especially in young age, who already came out. But still there are also many gays, who don't want to disappoint their parents. They move to big cities, like Beijing and Shanghai, and it helps them to be a bit out of

traditional expectations. Or they marry with a woman, keeping gay’s relationships in a secret, and imitate happy family life. Some even adopt or give birth to kids with surrogate mothers.

On the other hand, China is getting better in accepting gays as a normal way of human being. In 1997 homosexuality stoped to be marked here as a crime, in 2001 - psychology disease, and now it has no special status. Although gay and

lesbian marriage is still not legal, and gay couples can’t adopt kids inside of the country, there is strong LGBT community in big cities, special apps for dates, special shops and ect.

I was interested in this delicate topic because of my good friend. One day he just told his story and inspired me to meet more people. Finally I’ve found 10 heroes, who live in different places in China, doing different work, and having really

different experience. Hope it will help all kinds of humans, whatever they mark themselves, to be more kind and understandable to each other.

© Irina Kovalchuk - Image from the Between family and identity photography project
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Frank, 38 years old Music producer, Beijing At age of 30 all Chinese parents push guys to get married. I never accepted this possibility to get really married and I started to look for lesbians to arrange a fake marriage, like many city gay guys do. I tried to contact to my lesbian friends twice, but it didn't work out. Because, you know, it’s quite hard to make this cooperation. You are not really interested in each other, you are not even friends, actually you are strangers. So… It's quite hard to make it work and I gave up. Chinese lesbians have high expectations for you, they are almost demanding for you to be equal to a normal husband. They don't expect feelings or sex, but you need to act like a normal husband: financially support her family, maybe even be able to take care about her parents… And it has no limitations in time. Some couples have an agreement not to live together, some of them live in a man’s apartment. In this case they live in separated bed rooms, they have their own boyfriends and girlfriends. It depends on their agreement. So I gave up with this idea. But at this time my parents came to visit me in Beijing and they stayed for a couple of months. One day I invited one friend, a German girl, to have dinner with us. She was just a friend, and I knew her because of work. And after dinner this crazy idea came to my mind… I thought - it could be a solution! She is a nice friend, she is pretty and she is not that tall. Because I’m not tall. And she doesn’t speak Chinese, we can communicate only in English and my parents don't understand us. I asked her after dinner, if she can pretend my girlfriend and wife. I throw this crazy idea, and she thought it was quite interesting. So we discussed the details: I’ll pay for all the costs, and it will look like we go to my parent’s hometown just to spend holidays together. She doesn’t need to speak to anybody, just act like bride and enjoy. No documents were involved. She talked to her parents and they were laughing. So after two-three months we came to my parents hometown, and we had a typical Chinese wedding ceremony, we made a verbal agreement, and after we came back to Beijing, we would have once a month a dinner or lunch, and call my parents together. Just to say hello and show them that we were having fun. She learned a bit of Chinese, simple sentences like: How are you? How is the weather? And it all looked great. But sometimes she forgot, and I knew, that it couldn't last for a long time. My parents were already old, they were getting 75, so I knew that next years we should spend together. And of course, they wanted a grandson. But at that time I didn't want to get one. I was 35 years old, and another crazy idea came to my mind. Having a child! I said to myself: I’ve achieved a lot in my professional life. I never thought I could go so far. I could have a studio, i could make concerts… So what is my next goal in life? I was able to safe some money through the years and my parents still could support me with a kid. I started to consult with friends, who already did this, I mean surrogate thing, in Thailand. It was summer 2013. Then I started to consult with some companies in Thailand. Finally I flew to Bangkok for an interview with donors, there were three of them, and I choose one. Everything came out as planned. After this I went to America for half a year trip, and when baby was born, I came back to pick him up. I stayed there for two months to prepare documents, and wrote to my parents that my wife was suffering a lot because of all the pregnancy and she had high blood pressure, which implied that she had to stay with her parents in Germany, because they would take care of her. I explained to them that I would return to Beijing with the baby, because I couldn’t stay in Germany for a long time and take care of the baby by myself. As I expected, my parents offered their help, and they came to Beijing with me. After some months I started to think how to explain that my wife, the mother of our child never showed up. One or two months was still acceptable, but half of the year - it’s a bit too much. So I had to make a fake divorce. Last November I was planning a trip to Taiwan, and I told my parents that I have to go to Germany to negotiate with my wife for our divorce settlement, we might have some problems and we need to talk face by face. I wrote a letter on behalf of my wife, explaining that we had problems. We had amazing marriage, and we had an amazing kid and she’ s missing him a lot, but she wants to stay in Germany, and the kid has stayed with my parents for such a long time, which was very hard for her but she would be willing to give up the child. However, she was offered my financial support to fix her health. I gave this letter to my parents, after this I came back from Taiwan. My mother read this and said that Jenny is very good in writing. My father cried for 10 minutes. He was very sorry for our child. I had to comfort him and I explained to him that our whole family is here now, and we all will take care about our baby. I never made this into a big plan. I just followed the course of the events steps. Even 5 years ago, when my parents were 70, I knew that they will never accept that I’m a gay. Even if I tell them, they need some years to realize it… If my parents were 50, I would have come out and I would have told them, but it was too late and to make a fake marriage and a surrogate would be easier for me.

© Irina Kovalchuk - Image from the Between family and identity photography project
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Yue Jianbo, 36 years old Coal miner, Shanxi province, Yangquan city We feel psychological pressure. We think we’re the members of the minority, which is not accepted by the majority. Our life has a contrast with traditional Chinese way of living — to get married and to have children, gay life is not considered as a right way of living. That’s why we feel pressure from the majority of people. Most of the Chinese gays have to marry and struggle. They live a very unhappy life. I experienced some important moments in my life. I was married for 8 years and then divorced. Most of gay, about 40%, have feelings to woman. Once I realized something about myself and got the idea that if I marry with woman I will proof myself that I’m not a gay. Finally, I came out to my wife, and we divorced. I came out to my brothers, they gradually accepted this. In small towns gays have to keep their their issues to themselves. They rarely have a chance to talk to someone about this, in small towns people’s relationships are very close, and what you said today to someone, tomorrow could be the talk of the town. They’re afraid that people can find out who they are. They hide everything inside of themselves. Relationship with the parents are considered as a main problem for Chinese gays. Parents are the the narrowest minded people, and everyone is afraid give them pain, they’re afraid of aftermath of coming out to parents. I don’t want to lie to my parents. Even if it’s really hard to tell the truth to parents, nevertheless I did it. Parents have different values, they have different world views, it’s really not easy for them to accept you. One more important point: parents always wait for your children, especially it’s more serious in families, where old parents have only one son or daughter. In my case it was not bad. It took some time for them to accept the truth. When they just heard that they felt bad, were worried, but in the end they somehow accepted that. When I talked to them, I did an accent on that’s absolute truth, and it’s impossible to change me. They understood. Parents wish me happiness, I know they think it’s not important with whom I share my life woman or man, the most important is that I am happy. The rate of gays in China is really low, maybe around 4%, so you have to choose between those people, and in province that choice is even more narrow. Of course, you need to find a suitable person for yourself. And also, you need that one who’s not married and doesn't have children. For sure, there will be not a lot of people. In big cities, probably, the number will be higher, but, it will be difficult to find a suitable person for yourself. You should have common views, personalities. In provinces it is more difficult to find someone, of course. And what about myself? I personally think that the person should be single, not married. I think all of the gays want long relationships, but in China we don’t have any legal status, which is given to the traditional marriage, proven by marriage certificate. It doesn’t matter, for how long you have relationship, 4,5,10 years, law cannot prove that. It’s the first problem. Second, I think that many young people have very high requirements. Third, many people cheat and they struggle because of their partner’s cheating. But I still think that long relationship is a real thing, as soon as you put a lot of efforts. To be gay almost always could mean that you will not have children. According to Chinese traditions, children have to help their old parents. I think that Chinese gays afraid of loneliness in the older age. Raised with Chinese traditions, they’re afraid not to follow them. Of course, many of them want children. But even if you have children, it can’t always guarantee that they will take care of you when you’ll become old. Personally, I don’t worry too much about that, I think, its better to take care of today, making your older age comfortable in a sense of finance. I think I’m quite happy today. I don’t have very high requirements. I have a good job, don’t have any problems with time, it’s quite free. I have a boyfriend.

© Irina Kovalchuk - Image from the Between family and identity photography project
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Martin, 28 years old Works in LGBT organization Gender, Beijing My name is Martin, I’m from Inner Mongolia, currently I'm working for one of LGBT organization in China called Beijing Gender. I was traveling around 25 cities in South-East Asia and China. I think the biggest problem for LGBT community in China is lack of information. There is a huge gap for people getting information, in my understanding, there are 3 steps of being gay or finding yourself as a gay. The first one is a self-acceptance. If you want to do it, you need the information, you need examples from other people. You need scientific information, which can show you that you’re normal, you don’t have any illness, you just like something different. There should be a lot of information to help people to accept themselves. The second part is a family acceptance. Because in many Asian countries, especially eastern Asian countries family plays very important role, the majority of the people still think that everything must be approved by your family, so you have to get an acceptance from family. Nowadays families must become nuclear families (just parents and you, no grandparents, I think it’s changed), so you have to persuade your family and it’s members that they must know something about LGBT, they have to know it’s not curable, it’s not a disease which you can heal using electricity, and the third step is when the social network accepts you: your colleagues, your classmates, teachers, neighbors, friends. So if you did those 3 steps you’ll be totally fine, it’s nobody’s business. There also a lot of challenges such as financial and educational, and for each step there’s a big gap for getting information. For instance, if you use baidu to look for information on gays you’ll get a lot of rubbish information, there are no credited authors, there and no good references, there is a lot of misinformation. Now imagine a guy from rural area, he’s using his telephone to look for 同性恋 (gay in Chinese) and the first thing he gets is a corrective treatment. That’s the only information they have and when the parents try to find some information they get image of gays as a criminals and people who live a really messy life. It’s not right, we live such a beautiful life! So the main problem is a lack of access to information. So we have to make more channels where people can get an information. Now we have so many social networks, it’s good, and western media show the positive attitude, it’s good too. But there’s also in Chinese TV, shows that people still watch, Soap operas, CCTV news, they (TV channels) never include any LGBT content. A lot of people just watch TV. Now we want use all the possible channels to share information, like advertisement, billboards, we’re making videos, we’re making all kind of content, we want to create some kind of LGBT-database, where you can get all the information. I found that young people in small towns, never mind are they gay or straight, they live such a miserable life. They don’t know what to do there. There are no job opportunities, so if they have a slight interest in intellectual conversation they don’t have any chance. People can’t attend any gay bars or something, they try to hide in themselves. But smartphones are very popular in China now, so many people use dating apps and live a double live. So basically they have a choice to live there a double live or move to cities. Cities are the paradise. Migration to big cities among LGBT is very high. They sooner or later want to move to big cities, otherwise they will feel suffocated.

© Irina Kovalchuk - Image from the Between family and identity photography project
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Joshua, 26 years old Waiter in Disneyland, Shanghai I discovered my sexual orientation when I was in high school. I usually liked to read and developed very late in Internet. The first time I noticed I liked the guy it was my best friend, I told him that I like him a lot. I thought it's very normal, but he started to behave very aggressive and stopped to contact to me. I checked in Internet is it normal if a boy likes a boy, and a lot of articles wrote that no, but also there were a lot of people, who said its ok. Now it's different, there are a lot of TV-shows and video about gays. China in gay topic feels very safe for me, we don't have any influence from religion, but we do have a big influence in the idea that you must have a child and become a father as the main member of the family. One of my teachers in college didn't like gay people, she thought, all gays were sick. I was angry, and I asked her to give me real arguments. I told my parents I don't want to go to the college any more. I think today we can get a lot of education online, you don't need to have degree. No matter, how you were born, where were you were born, how you changed your gender, you should always accept yourself. Every year we have news about gays and I tried to let my parents hear it, but they don't care, because it has never happened to them. I'm afraid to tell them, because... They have this wish, that one day I'll marry and have a kid. I don’t want to hurt them. I would like to tell them ten years later, or 15 years later, when may be gay marriage will be accepted, and I can bring my partner and we can adopt kids. My parents tried to introduce me to some girls in our neighborhood. They never told how they look like, they were talking about girls characters. I can go, but I can't fall in love with a girl. The best way is to be separated. We live in different provinces. And I would wait until 40-50 and then I'll be too old to get married and I can have peace. I'm happy that I have brother and sister, they are married and have kids, so I don't feel stress about it. My wish is to find a person to stay with, and we can adopt kids or perhaps just have a pet. I wouldn't tell people that I'm a gay until I’m sure I can trust them. And I like to be individual, I don't like to join the groups a lot. I don't like stereotypes that I should stay in gay circle to feel that I'm normal, and it's not easy for me to have a big trust to strangers. I'm afraid of very snobbish people. It's very difficult to be stable for gays. Some people can be together, but they will never can have families like their parents want. When you are young, you want to have experience with different people, so that's why it's hard to be stable in relationships. But I think it's happening not only in gay society, it is happening everywhere. In China if a man was rapped, he wouldn’t be protected at all. All that they can do is to put this guy into the jail for 15 days, it's kind of insulting. It's not protected by our law. And also I know gay couples want to have kids, but they can't. For long term relationship they need to have a bond that keeps them. Some gays have tried to build international relationships, but still there is a culture, experience and education. People still think very different. I'm very old fashioned, I believe in love, that you meet a person and you stay together until you die. Today people can have sexual friends, and I don't want it.

© Irina Kovalchuk - Image from the Between family and identity photography project
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Jone, 27 years old Dancer, Mister gay China - 2016, Shanghai My mom passed away when I was very young, and I’ve told only to my brother that I’m gay. So for me it wasn't a big problem. For other people I think it is. Because China is a very traditional country. My father doesn't know, but i think, he has a feeling about it. He has another family and he knows, that I’m a very passionate dancer, I work in a big city, that’s enough for him. Shanghai is a very international city, so for me it’s easier to work here than in my home town in Shanxi province, it’s also very easy to find friends here. Shanghai has a big LGBD community, and the first time I came to this competition, Mister gay China, I was quite nervous. You need to show yourself as a dancer or singer and make some people to like you. I just wanted to have fun, i didn’t have the goal to win. I wanted to show my energy. After this competition my life hasn't changed a lot, just some people started to recognize me, you became kind of famous in this society. I just broke up with my boyfriend. We were together 5 years. And one month ago we broke up. I met him in 2012 in Beijing, where I was studying. For the first month we just talked, and on the next month he came to Beijing to work and to meet me, and then he told he wants to be with me. And then he came back to Shanghai and it was my turn to go to see him. He was very excited. And he told me “Don't go to Beijing, stay with me in Shanghai”. I said yes, no problem. We spent 5 years together. Very easy, very happy. We travelled together, raised dogs. But finally I wanted a new life. To meet new friends, to see the whole world. He didn’t wanted to change anything. He didn't want to meet new people, he didn't want me to go to this competition, he didn't like it. There are many handsome guys around, sometimes they want to meet someone new, sometimes they don't want to have a long term relationship with the only one person. I think this is a problem. Right now I want to meet a good person and start a family, a long story. I want to go to America to study dancing.

© Irina Kovalchuk - Image from the Between family and identity photography project
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Andy, 25 years old Student in Beijing Forestry university, Beijing In Han Zu, people see a marriage as a duty, when you come to the special age, you have to get married, have a baby, and then you can move to the next stage of your life. But it feels so weird to me. Love can come not at the special time, love may be come at 40, 30, 50. Parents are always push you to get married from 22 until you're 40. If you are not married at 40 they think its something wrong with you, but for my people (Mosuo minority) you don't need to get married. If two people have the feeling to each other, they choose to make private relationships, just have a test, like sex, in very private place, not in the public. In the evening the boy comes to the girl’s house and have sex with her. That’s all. The next morning he has to go before the mother of the girl wakes up. When the girl has a baby, the boy and his family don't have to look after baby. They can, but they don't have to. The baby belongs to the girl and her family. My mom, her sisters and brother are my true family. The man who made me alongside of my mother is not. I don't call him father. For my education and everything else, he didn't had to pay for it. My family paid for it. I don't like him. So because we have this attitude to love, I’ve never been stressed out. I always knew I’m a gay. I just wait for the right time to tell my mother. I always waited to find a boyfriend and we come together to my mom. And that’s the way how I wanted to tell her i’m a gay. But unfortunately I’ve never been in a long relationship. It’s quite complicated. There are a lot of gays just in my age, they are still in the stage of realizing and accepting it. So many of them are thinking they just need sex, they don't believe in love. The last year we watched a TV program together with my mom, and they talked about gays in China. After we watched it, I looked at her and I wanted to say something to her, but just before i said it she asked me: When will you come out? I think my mother knew I’m homosexual before I knew it myself. I was a boy, and I was so girlish. I still remember I used her cosmetics. When I was a little boy my voice was so… gay. The biggest problem of gay society in China, is that we can’t officially get married. In my point of view its not necessary, but if the Government accepted that gay people can get married, it would mean that we’d have rights. And its not bad to be a gay, many gays believe that in their next life they will be a snake or a dog, because they are gays now. Many gays are worried to be fired and what other people think. Many gays don't want to accept themselves, they don't want to be homosexual, and they hide it from others, so these people cannot have have relationship. All they need is sex. If a gay person wants to have a real relationship, they should be brave enough to come out in their social circle. The ones who tell their parents he will never be traditionally married.

© Irina Kovalchuk - Image from the Between family and identity photography project
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Conor, 17 years old Student in high school, marketing director in feminist organization, Beijing When I was studying in elementary school, I realized that I want to be closer to boys rather than girls. Some time later my mother bought me a laptop and I started to use Weibo and some other social platforms. I found some LGBT accounts, and I was attracted by men’s bodies. There was a magazine with nice pictures of men, and I saw a lot of videos. At that point I realized I fell a strong attraction to boys. It didn’t take too long time for me to accept it, it just came naturally, this is who I am, I don't doubt myself. Last September my mother and I had a fight. She promised me to buy an iPhone 6s, and I already prepared to go to the store and buy it, but my mother suddenly broke her words and I was pissed off. The reason was because if I have this phone, I would start to use it to meet more gay people. She asked me if I am a gay or not. And I just told her yes, I am. She was angry, she said: “…If you don’t change your sexual orientation, you are not my son any more. I will not support you for college…”. She didn't want to loose her face and she said I used drugs and will surely finish in jail. I just didn't know what to say at that time, because it was too much for me to take. Now we almost don’t talk about LGBT topics and we pretend this conversation never happened. She asked me not to bring guys to her home. My family wants me to be happy, but they don't think in the first place that homosexuality is a normal thing, they think its kind of mental disorder or as if someone just washed my head. They want me to change to “normal”. They care about their public image - if other people and friends may ask them, why I’m not married, they don't know what to answer. I can understand this. But I cannot change myself. In Western countries LGBT communities were started by some celebrities or some people in high social positions. They have money and resources, and they are trying to take this responsibility. But in China people on the higher status just want to hide this, stay in isolation. We always expect something will happen, but nobody does anything. The good thing is that the new generation of gays, who were born after 1990, is already making big efforts. More and more young people came out. I have friends in high school and college, they’ve already told their parents and friends. This is a good signal. When I finish my college I will try to do something for China LGBT community, because I feel very much responsible. I hope my parents can accept this Another problem is LGBT ideas are in the opposition to the government trend. Homosexual families mostly don't have babies which is contradictory to the policy. When you are 20, you just enjoy your life, when you are getting 30, you need to think about marriage with a girl or fake marriage. You can just play with your LGBT friends, but you cant tell the truth to your colleagues. Especially in small cities. Things are getting better now in big cities like Shanghai and Beijing.

© Irina Kovalchuk - Image from the Between family and identity photography project
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Yang Yang, 24 years old Musician, Beijing I was born in a very happy family, but everything changed, when I was 14. Dad felt in love with another woman, divorced with my mom, and she became really depressed. They fought like crazy! My uncle wanted to take a revenge, and somehow to use me for this. So I attacked this woman in her beauty salon. It had not helped my mom at all, but police put close attention on me. Because of this I had to run out from my hometown to the village. At this time I felt very helpless, and I stopped to be a happy spoiled child. A week later my mom decided to send me to her sister, to Beijing. I thought it will be a new life, but it was a new nightmare. Everybody in my aunt’s house hated my father as much as they could, and they started to reproach me without a reason. At the same time my mom became even more depressed and I was scared, if she kills herself. Finally I left my aunt’s house and entered the music university. Luckily i did! In my first year I’ve met a guy who helped me a lot, took care about me. He was so talented! I started to feel how my heart beats faster, when i see him. But we were only good friends, who spent a lot of time together. One year after we got into different classes and met less and less. When I was on the forth grade, I’ve met a Peking Opera actor, and he was very interested in me. I enjoyed his care, feeling of safety around him. We’ve been together very short, but happy time, until I found out that he’s married and has a kid. And I’m not the only one, he also dates at least three men. His wife started to call me, and I thought she is a really poor woman - her husband cheats her with a men! I can’t imagine how they can continue relationships after this. One year later I’ve met my second boyfriend, we wanted to go abroad together to build a family. I believed in common efforts! We spent great 6 months together. And then he started to cheat on me, and went away with all our money - it was a lot. I realized I’m too dependent on people, whom I love, may be believe them too much. So I started to work really hard, to be more independent and confident in myself. For now I’m alone around 3 years, and I hope one day i’ll meet the right person.

© Irina Kovalchuk - Image from the Between family and identity photography project
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Carry, 34 years old College teacher, Beijing I’ve worked in Beijing for 9 years, and I love this city a lot. Here it’s very easy to do whatever you want to do. I’ve made a lot of friends from all around the world, and my life has changed and became very interesting. In Beijing i feel myself better than in my hometown - very small city, where people are very traditional. They don't understand gay’s problems… It was not easy to live in my home town. Gay people in China started to come out to the society, but they still live in their own closed community, make friends in a very small circle. They don't discuss their relationships with colleagues or family, keeping distance in this point. The biggest problem within the gay community is their attitude to themselves. Gays don't understand themselves, they don't love themselves. I had experience in not easy relationships with my parents and other people, so long time I felt very depressed about my own identity. It’s totally in a conflict with traditional culture. Now it’s better. I can solve all the problems I’ve had for the last 10 years. Except of having kids. I want to have my own kids, and it’s very difficult to do it in China. My parents know about my identity, I came out in 2008. They always loved me and never forced me to do something i didn't like. But they also love kids, and they want to have a grandson or granddaughter. So the conflict is here, others questions are not the problem. My mother said, she doesn't care, I love boys or girls, she just wants to have a grandchild. I’m single now, and, of course, I want to find a boyfriend. But it seems difficult to have a long term relationships, maybe because in gay community everything is hidden. We don't have an open community, like TV programs or places where we can talk openly. I go to clubs sometimes, but i think it’s not enough, many people live their own isolated life. Our neighbors and colleagues can share everything about their lives, but we can’t. After my first boyfriend, with whom we broke up 10 years ago, I tried many times to find a couple. But those were not for long period, and not as good as my first time. I guess I'm not so interested in relationships like before. I’m OK to tell that I’m a gay, but it could influence to my career. I’m a teacher, and some parents can think that it’s not good for kids. Last years we all are talking about faked marriage, and it looks like it could solve some problems, but it’s also a problem by itself, especially in legal field. I want to go to the USA. I do a lot of volunteering work in Beijing, and have many friends in Los Angeles LGBD center, so I think I would love to work there.

© Irina Kovalchuk - Image from the Between family and identity photography project
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Ray, 25 years old Manager in media company, Beijing My parents and I are in good terms, I can see and feel it. They are open minded and well educated people. I have a lot of friends, they come from different fields, so for example, friends from school and friends from LGBT communities, and we all are in good relationships. I came out to most of them. I live in Beijing - probably the most developed city in China, and we have very little society pressure. But I can imagine if you live in a small city. A lot of gay guys there feel pressure to get married. Usually when they are 25, parents push them and sometimes even arrange dates. But my mom is not like this, my parents never did it. I want to come out to my family. May be its not such a big a problem, but I feel, I'm not ready yet. I thought to bring home booklets about gay society. I planned to do it to during New year festival, but forgot. Last time when I came home, my grandmother passed away, so it wasn't a good moment. May be during next New year holidays I will tell them. It’s not easy to find a long term boyfriend in Beijing. We all are busy in our work, don't have enough time to know each other. And I don't like to talk about my feelings in messenger.

Between family and identity by Irina Kovalchuk

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