4 Sides of The Table

4 Sides of The Table is about how long it takes to eat a loaf of bread, for sun light to pass through a room or for someone to die, in the context of time passing.

4 Sides of The Table

In the spring of 2017, my mother died in an empty room with a patch of sunlight on her hands. Her best friend June was at her bedside reading poetry aloud. That image has stayed with me ever since. Though I did photograph my mother during her final week that picture is not one I ever took. Since I could no longer make pictures of her, it seemed natural to want to photograph June. I photographed her hands, her legs, from the back, from the front, partial views etc. feeling I could convince myself she was my mother more easily by photographing her in parts rather than in showing her whole figure. Shortly after we began our sessions, her daughter unexpectedly passed away. I thought she might not want to continue being photographed, but she did. The camera gave us the freedom we needed to imagine we belonged to each other.

One day I arrived early. I had about 10 minutes in which I could do something, even if it was just to sit in the car. I noticed wildflowers nearby and decided to pick some and bring them to her. They were delicate and uprooted easily, and the earth was quite dry. In my hands the flowers looked less special. The fragile nature of the plants made me wish I hadn't disturbed them. I questioned my action and thought whether to give the flowers to her or leave them on the roadside. I appreciated the unplanned 10 minutes. Though not long, it gave me a chance to further think about how my mother’s best friend was now so present in my life and the peculiarity of our coinciding losses. I was grateful to be with someone connected to my mother as there is almost no one left who knew her, and her death becomes more distant. I wanted this reflective quality that sometimes appears within waiting to exist in my work.

Through my imagery, in simple and spare ways I aim to create pause for moments that could be easily lost. All the times we wait 10 minutes, though they may feel unimportant, still bring us closer to death. I want to notice how sunlight passes through a room, the mystery of a measuring stick, how long it takes to eat a loaf of bread or for someone to die, in lieu of time passing. In the making of 4 Sides of The Table I saw that the things around me could express this. June, and my photographing her, became the anchor that gave clarity to the narrative for the other pictures.