I’m infertile. While I never wished to be a mother, the concept of infertility is part of my quotidian reality. I question if this is due to social expectations or a biological need. Since having children has never been an intention, my infertility should not cause any emotional conflict, nonetheless, it does. My body, it seems, has failed to conform to the social and biological expectations of a person who was born with a reproductive apparatus. I am yet to find women who share similar emotional conflict, and I question the reason these issues may continue to be contentious. There are other women experiencing similar difficulties, so why do I continue to feel isolated?
With the making of this project, I seek to understand my lived experiences of infertility caused by endometriosis. Using my menstrual blood as a drawing medium, I aim to uncover ways in which it can be used as an aesthetic, political expression that serve as a physical record of catharsis - mourning over the choice I was unable to make rationally, the choice my own body took from me.
My hope for this project is that by chronicling my lived experiences of infertility, I am able to contribute to public discourses by offering a personal view that help erode the perspectives that are subjugated by shame.
-
não-fecundação#1
-
(un)motherhood, (in)fertility. Self-portrait with menstrual blood.
-
Diptych Lunação #24 - Digitised
Lumen prints with roses and menstrual blood. Buried 07 March 2022. Digitised after unburying on the 02 April 2022.
-
Diptych Lunação #25 - Digitised
Lumen prints with roses and menstrual blood. Buried 07 March 2022. Digitised after unburying on the 02 April 2022.
-
à luz #9. Self-portrait, and digitised lumen print with carnation and menstrual blood.
Digitised prior to burial on the 29
August 2022. Unburied on 25 September 2022.
-
à luz #8. Self portrait, and digitised lumen print with ranunculus and menstrual blood.
Digitised prior to burial on the 29
August 2022. Unburied on 25 September 2022.
-
à luz#12. Digitised lumen print with marigold and menstrual blood.
Digitised prior to burial on the 25
September 2022. Currently buried.
-
à luz#10. Digitised lumen print with ranunculus and menstrual blood. Buried on the 29 August 2022.
Digitised after unburying on 25
September.
-
à luz#15. Self-portrait with vessel, and digitised lumen print with orchid and menstrual blood.
Buried on the 29
August 2022. Unburied on 25 September 2022.
-
à luz#11. Self-portrait and endometrium.
-
à luz#13. Digitised lumen print with daffodil and menstrual blood.
Digitised prior to burial on the 25
September 2022. Currently buried.
{"id":49001,"grant_id":20,"user_id":32546,"grant_submission_status_id":4,"grant_result_type_id":null,"cover_block_id":536408,"story_id":45261,"place_id":null,"title":"the motherhood that wasn't","excerpt":"","excerpt_raw":"","body":"<p>I\u2019m infertile. While I never wished to be a mother, the concept of infertility is part of my quotidian reality. I question if this is due to social expectations or a biological need. Since having children has never been an intention, my infertility should not cause any emotional conflict, nonetheless, it does. My body, it seems, has failed to conform to the social and biological expectations of a person who was born with a reproductive apparatus. I am yet to find women who share similar emotional conflict, and I question the reason these issues may continue to be contentious. There are other women experiencing similar difficulties, so why do I continue to feel isolated?\r<\/p><p>With the making of this project, I seek to understand my lived experiences of infertility caused by endometriosis. Using my menstrual blood as a drawing medium, I aim to uncover ways in which it can be used as an aesthetic, political expression that serve as a physical record of catharsis - mourning over the choice I was unable to make rationally, the choice my own body took from me.\r<\/p><p>My hope for this project is that by chronicling my lived experiences of infertility, I am able to contribute to public discourses by offering a personal view that help erode the perspectives that are subjugated by shame.<\/p>","body_raw":"I\u2019m infertile. While I never wished to be a mother, the concept of infertility is part of my quotidian reality. I question if this is due to social expectations or a biological need. Since having children has never been an intention, my infertility should not cause any emotional conflict, nonetheless, it does. My body, it seems, has failed to conform to the social and biological expectations of a person who was born with a reproductive apparatus. I am yet to find women who share similar emotional conflict, and I question the reason these issues may continue to be contentious. There are other women experiencing similar difficulties, so why do I continue to feel isolated?\r\n\r\nWith the making of this project, I seek to understand my lived experiences of infertility caused by endometriosis. Using my menstrual blood as a drawing medium, I aim to uncover ways in which it can be used as an aesthetic, political expression that serve as a physical record of catharsis - mourning over the choice I was unable to make rationally, the choice my own body took from me.\r\n\r\nMy hope for this project is that by chronicling my lived experiences of infertility, I am able to contribute to public discourses by offering a personal view that help erode the perspectives that are subjugated by shame.","social_approval":1,"is_shortlisted":1,"is_other":0,"is_good":0,"is_strong":0,"is_very_strong":null,"is_ongoing":1,"is_unpublished":0,"sent_first_email_reminder":0,"awaiting_payment":1,"has_started_payment":1,"has_started_paypal_payment":0,"is_public":0,"media_ok":0,"has_tracked":1,"amount_paid":35,"original_price":35,"external_id":"cs_live_a1WjagiflcCMwKJwBm7mKDwELZVPyThwKfUBtXrXyUNUw59wCGJOT4blPn","payment_id":"pi_3LpVXGD9Te8dh8Es1EEgMdvZ","session_id":null,"token":"l9HREHtymcR5wNE7WeDA29OKOfNgb0dg","grant_order_id":21237,"submitted_at":"2022-10-05T11:13:54.000000Z","affiliate_id":null,"is_forced_public":1,"address_1":null,"city":null,"region":null,"country":"AU","postcode":null,"codice_fiscale":null,"started_at":"2020-01-01T00:00:00.000000Z","ended_at":null,"created_at":"2022-10-04T09:41:54.000000Z","updated_at":"2022-10-14T10:56:00.000000Z","place":null,"publications":[],"categories":[],"tags":[{"id":4622,"tag":"autobiography","created_at":"2015-12-07T17:06:30.000000Z","updated_at":"2015-12-07T17:06:30.000000Z","pivot":{"grant_submission_id":49001,"tag_id":4622}},{"id":1442,"tag":"autofiction","created_at":"2015-12-07T17:05:47.000000Z","updated_at":"2015-12-07T17:05:47.000000Z","pivot":{"grant_submission_id":49001,"tag_id":1442}},{"id":13,"tag":"art","created_at":"2015-12-07T17:05:37.000000Z","updated_at":"2015-12-07T17:05:37.000000Z","pivot":{"grant_submission_id":49001,"tag_id":13}},{"id":1013,"tag":"womanhood","created_at":"2015-12-07T17:05:43.000000Z","updated_at":"2015-12-07T17:05:43.000000Z","pivot":{"grant_submission_id":49001,"tag_id":1013}},{"id":12285,"tag":"infertility","created_at":"2017-09-18T15:22:46.000000Z","updated_at":"2017-09-18T15:22:46.000000Z","pivot":{"grant_submission_id":49001,"tag_id":12285}},{"id":9108,"tag":"endometriosis","created_at":"2017-01-01T10:10:12.000000Z","updated_at":"2017-01-01T10:10:12.000000Z","pivot":{"grant_submission_id":49001,"tag_id":9108}},{"id":39609,"tag":"lumen prints","created_at":"2021-10-09T02:48:29.000000Z","updated_at":"2021-10-09T02:48:29.000000Z","pivot":{"grant_submission_id":49001,"tag_id":39609}}],"blocks":[{"id":536400,"grant_submission_id":49001,"story_block_id":null,"image_id":661696,"position":-1,"created_at":"2022-10-04T11:09:38.000000Z","updated_at":"2022-10-13T20:45:34.000000Z","caption":"n\u00e3o-fecunda\u00e7\u00e3o#1","caption_raw":"n\u00e3o-fecunda\u00e7\u00e3o#1","deleted_at":null,"image":{"id":661696,"filename":"\/users\/32546\/grant-submissions\/49001\/rj8702f1da01b821.jpg","has_tried_to_detect_moderation_labels":0,"has_moderation_labels":0,"moderation_label_json":null,"is_explicit":0,"is_not_explicit":0,"explicit_percentage":0,"created_at":"2022-10-04T11:09:38.000000Z","updated_at":"2022-10-04T11:09:38.000000Z"},"story_block":null},{"id":539644,"grant_submission_id":49001,"story_block_id":null,"image_id":664668,"position":0,"created_at":"2022-10-05T10:46:56.000000Z","updated_at":"2022-10-13T20:45:34.000000Z","caption":"(un)motherhood, (in)fertility. Self-portrait with menstrual blood.","caption_raw":"(un)motherhood, (in)fertility. Self-portrait with menstrual blood.","deleted_at":null,"image":{"id":664668,"filename":"\/users\/32546\/grant-submissions\/49001\/rja0m8769795457c.jpg","has_tried_to_detect_moderation_labels":0,"has_moderation_labels":0,"moderation_label_json":null,"is_explicit":0,"is_not_explicit":0,"explicit_percentage":0,"created_at":"2022-10-05T10:46:56.000000Z","updated_at":"2022-10-05T10:46:56.000000Z"},"story_block":null},{"id":568274,"grant_submission_id":49001,"story_block_id":null,"image_id":691674,"position":1,"created_at":"2022-10-13T20:40:19.000000Z","updated_at":"2022-10-13T20:45:34.000000Z","caption":"Diptych Luna\u00e7\u00e3o #24 - Digitised\r\nLumen prints with roses and menstrual blood. Buried 07 March 2022. Digitised after unburying on the 02 April 2022.","caption_raw":"Diptych Luna\u00e7\u00e3o #24 - Digitised\r\nLumen prints with roses and menstrual blood. Buried 07 March 2022. Digitised after unburying on the 02 April 2022.","deleted_at":null,"image":{"id":691674,"filename":"\/users\/32546\/grant-submissions\/49001\/rjplf668466308d9.jpg","has_tried_to_detect_moderation_labels":0,"has_moderation_labels":0,"moderation_label_json":null,"is_explicit":0,"is_not_explicit":0,"explicit_percentage":0,"created_at":"2022-10-13T20:40:19.000000Z","updated_at":"2022-10-13T20:40:19.000000Z"},"story_block":null},{"id":568273,"grant_submission_id":49001,"story_block_id":null,"image_id":691673,"position":2,"created_at":"2022-10-13T20:40:18.000000Z","updated_at":"2022-10-13T20:45:34.000000Z","caption":"Diptych Luna\u00e7\u00e3o #25 - Digitised\r\nLumen prints with roses and menstrual blood. Buried 07 March 2022. Digitised after unburying on the 02 April 2022.","caption_raw":"Diptych Luna\u00e7\u00e3o #25 - Digitised\r\nLumen prints with roses and menstrual blood. Buried 07 March 2022. Digitised after unburying on the 02 April 2022.","deleted_at":null,"image":{"id":691673,"filename":"\/users\/32546\/grant-submissions\/49001\/rjplf5cfec1262c6.jpg","has_tried_to_detect_moderation_labels":0,"has_moderation_labels":0,"moderation_label_json":null,"is_explicit":0,"is_not_explicit":0,"explicit_percentage":0,"created_at":"2022-10-13T20:40:18.000000Z","updated_at":"2022-10-13T20:40:18.000000Z"},"story_block":null},{"id":536405,"grant_submission_id":49001,"story_block_id":null,"image_id":661701,"position":3,"created_at":"2022-10-04T11:09:41.000000Z","updated_at":"2022-10-13T20:45:34.000000Z","caption":"\u00e0 luz #9. Self-portrait, and digitised lumen print with carnation and menstrual blood.\r\nDigitised prior to burial on the 29\r\nAugust 2022. Unburied on 25 September 2022.","caption_raw":"\u00e0 luz #9. Self-portrait, and digitised lumen print with carnation and menstrual blood.\r\nDigitised prior to burial on the 29\r\nAugust 2022. Unburied on 25 September 2022.","deleted_at":null,"image":{"id":661701,"filename":"\/users\/32546\/grant-submissions\/49001\/rj8704e1eb890b98.jpg","has_tried_to_detect_moderation_labels":0,"has_moderation_labels":0,"moderation_label_json":null,"is_explicit":0,"is_not_explicit":0,"explicit_percentage":0,"created_at":"2022-10-04T11:09:41.000000Z","updated_at":"2022-10-04T11:09:41.000000Z"},"story_block":null},{"id":536404,"grant_submission_id":49001,"story_block_id":null,"image_id":661700,"position":4,"created_at":"2022-10-04T11:09:40.000000Z","updated_at":"2022-10-13T20:45:34.000000Z","caption":"\u00e0 luz #8. Self portrait, and digitised lumen print with ranunculus and menstrual blood.\r\nDigitised prior to burial on the 29\r\nAugust 2022. Unburied on 25 September 2022.","caption_raw":"\u00e0 luz #8. Self portrait, and digitised lumen print with ranunculus and menstrual blood.\r\nDigitised prior to burial on the 29\r\nAugust 2022. Unburied on 25 September 2022.","deleted_at":null,"image":{"id":661700,"filename":"\/users\/32546\/grant-submissions\/49001\/rj870404033fc1d7.jpg","has_tried_to_detect_moderation_labels":0,"has_moderation_labels":0,"moderation_label_json":null,"is_explicit":0,"is_not_explicit":0,"explicit_percentage":0,"created_at":"2022-10-04T11:09:40.000000Z","updated_at":"2022-10-04T11:09:40.000000Z"},"story_block":null},{"id":539630,"grant_submission_id":49001,"story_block_id":null,"image_id":664654,"position":5,"created_at":"2022-10-05T10:45:59.000000Z","updated_at":"2022-10-13T20:45:34.000000Z","caption":"\u00e0 luz#12. Digitised lumen print with marigold and menstrual blood.\r\nDigitised prior to burial on the 25\r\nSeptember 2022. Currently buried.","caption_raw":"\u00e0 luz#12. Digitised lumen print with marigold and menstrual blood.\r\nDigitised prior to burial on the 25\r\nSeptember 2022. Currently buried.","deleted_at":null,"image":{"id":664654,"filename":"\/users\/32546\/grant-submissions\/49001\/rja0knb815c2b589.jpg","has_tried_to_detect_moderation_labels":0,"has_moderation_labels":0,"moderation_label_json":null,"is_explicit":0,"is_not_explicit":0,"explicit_percentage":0,"created_at":"2022-10-05T10:45:59.000000Z","updated_at":"2022-10-05T10:45:59.000000Z"},"story_block":null},{"id":536408,"grant_submission_id":49001,"story_block_id":null,"image_id":661704,"position":6,"created_at":"2022-10-04T11:09:47.000000Z","updated_at":"2022-10-13T20:45:34.000000Z","caption":"\u00e0 luz#10. Digitised lumen print with ranunculus and menstrual blood. Buried on the 29 August 2022.\r\nDigitised after unburying on 25\r\nSeptember.","caption_raw":"\u00e0 luz#10. Digitised lumen print with ranunculus and menstrual blood. Buried on the 29 August 2022.\r\nDigitised after unburying on 25\r\nSeptember.","deleted_at":null,"image":{"id":661704,"filename":"\/users\/32546\/grant-submissions\/49001\/rj870b011b9db545.jpg","has_tried_to_detect_moderation_labels":0,"has_moderation_labels":0,"moderation_label_json":null,"is_explicit":0,"is_not_explicit":0,"explicit_percentage":0,"created_at":"2022-10-04T11:09:47.000000Z","updated_at":"2022-10-04T11:09:47.000000Z"},"story_block":null},{"id":568323,"grant_submission_id":49001,"story_block_id":null,"image_id":691723,"position":7,"created_at":"2022-10-13T20:44:04.000000Z","updated_at":"2022-10-13T20:45:34.000000Z","caption":"\u00e0 luz#15. Self-portrait with vessel, and digitised lumen print with orchid and menstrual blood.\r\nBuried on the 29\r\nAugust 2022. Unburied on 25 September 2022.","caption_raw":"\u00e0 luz#15. Self-portrait with vessel, and digitised lumen print with orchid and menstrual blood.\r\nBuried on the 29\r\nAugust 2022. Unburied on 25 September 2022.","deleted_at":null,"image":{"id":691723,"filename":"\/users\/32546\/grant-submissions\/49001\/rjpllf0da146bae6.jpg","has_tried_to_detect_moderation_labels":0,"has_moderation_labels":0,"moderation_label_json":null,"is_explicit":0,"is_not_explicit":0,"explicit_percentage":0,"created_at":"2022-10-13T20:44:04.000000Z","updated_at":"2022-10-13T20:44:04.000000Z"},"story_block":null},{"id":539762,"grant_submission_id":49001,"story_block_id":null,"image_id":664786,"position":8,"created_at":"2022-10-05T11:07:27.000000Z","updated_at":"2022-10-13T20:45:34.000000Z","caption":"\u00e0 luz#11. Self-portrait and endometrium.","caption_raw":"\u00e0 luz#11. Self-portrait and endometrium.","deleted_at":null,"image":{"id":664786,"filename":"\/users\/32546\/grant-submissions\/49001\/rja1ke93e9d36e0b.jpg","has_tried_to_detect_moderation_labels":0,"has_moderation_labels":0,"moderation_label_json":null,"is_explicit":0,"is_not_explicit":0,"explicit_percentage":0,"created_at":"2022-10-05T11:07:27.000000Z","updated_at":"2022-10-05T11:07:27.000000Z"},"story_block":null},{"id":539631,"grant_submission_id":49001,"story_block_id":null,"image_id":664655,"position":9,"created_at":"2022-10-05T10:46:13.000000Z","updated_at":"2022-10-13T20:45:34.000000Z","caption":"\u00e0 luz#13. Digitised lumen print with daffodil and menstrual blood.\r\nDigitised prior to burial on the 25\r\nSeptember 2022. Currently buried.","caption_raw":"\u00e0 luz#13. Digitised lumen print with daffodil and menstrual blood.\r\nDigitised prior to burial on the 25\r\nSeptember 2022. Currently buried.","deleted_at":null,"image":{"id":664655,"filename":"\/users\/32546\/grant-submissions\/49001\/rja0l091c2352081.jpg","has_tried_to_detect_moderation_labels":0,"has_moderation_labels":0,"moderation_label_json":null,"is_explicit":0,"is_not_explicit":0,"explicit_percentage":0,"created_at":"2022-10-05T10:46:13.000000Z","updated_at":"2022-10-05T10:46:13.000000Z"},"story_block":null}],"cover_block_image":{"id":536408,"grant_submission_id":49001,"story_block_id":null,"image_id":661704,"position":6,"created_at":"2022-10-04T11:09:47.000000Z","updated_at":"2022-10-13T20:45:34.000000Z","caption":"\u00e0 luz#10. Digitised lumen print with ranunculus and menstrual blood. Buried on the 29 August 2022.\r\nDigitised after unburying on 25\r\nSeptember.","caption_raw":"\u00e0 luz#10. Digitised lumen print with ranunculus and menstrual blood. Buried on the 29 August 2022.\r\nDigitised after unburying on 25\r\nSeptember.","deleted_at":null,"image":{"id":661704,"filename":"\/users\/32546\/grant-submissions\/49001\/rj870b011b9db545.jpg","has_tried_to_detect_moderation_labels":0,"has_moderation_labels":0,"moderation_label_json":null,"is_explicit":0,"is_not_explicit":0,"explicit_percentage":0,"created_at":"2022-10-04T11:09:47.000000Z","updated_at":"2022-10-04T11:09:47.000000Z"}},"user":{"id":32546,"firstname":"Cecilia","lastname":"Sordi Campos","username":"ceciliasordicampos","can_skip_grant_payment":0,"is_unsubscribed_from_grant_emails":0,"disabled_at":null,"gender":"female","has_agreed_to_newsletter":1,"has_agreed_to_newsletter_at":"2018-09-27 10:41:48","timezone":"Australia\/Melbourne","is_legacy":0,"is_collateral_juror":0,"legacy_id":null,"accepted_tandcs_may18_at":"2018-09-27 10:41:48","last_logged_in_at":"2023-05-22T11:23:27.000000Z","last_logged_in_country":"AU","registered_country":null,"is_not_spam":0,"when_legacy_potd":null,"delete_at":null,"created_at":"2018-09-27T10:41:48.000000Z","updated_at":"2023-05-22T11:23:27.000000Z","deleted_at":null,"profile":{"id":32527,"user_id":32546,"born_in_id":145369,"based_in_id":145352,"currently_in_id":145352,"nationality_id":26,"avatar":"\/users\/32546\/avatars\/pfsstf074f1751a4.jpg","cover_image":"\/users\/32546\/cover_images\/pfssto7b10955106.jpg","born_at":"1989-07-18T00:00:00.000000Z","profession":null,"bio":"Brazilian born. Melbourne based photographic artist. Obsessed with moths.","long_bio":"<p>Growing up in the countryside in Brazil, I got hold of a camera for the first time at age nine, after winning a contest at primary school. I took photos of everything and everyone. Unfortunately many of the rolls of film I went through were never developed. I still think of those never seen photographs.\r<\/p><p>I am now a Melbourne based photographic artist and have been living in Australia for the past 15 years. My artistic and photographic practice are positioned in the field of socially-engaged art and expanded photography. My projects place value on \u2018narratives of the self\u2019 as resources for creating effective visual vocabularies to represent the complex psychological experiences of being-ness, relationship dynamics, womanhood and the female body, migration and identity. The aim of the projects is the seeking of strategies in the communication of these experiences within a public discourse.<\/p>","long_bio_raw":"Growing up in the countryside in Brazil, I got hold of a camera for the first time at age nine, after winning a contest at primary school. I took photos of everything and everyone. Unfortunately many of the rolls of film I went through were never developed. I still think of those never seen photographs.\r\n\r\nI am now a Melbourne based photographic artist and have been living in Australia for the past 15 years. My artistic and photographic practice are positioned in the field of socially-engaged art and expanded photography. My projects place value on \u2018narratives of the self\u2019 as resources for creating effective visual vocabularies to represent the complex psychological experiences of being-ness, relationship dynamics, womanhood and the female body, migration and identity. The aim of the projects is the seeking of strategies in the communication of these experiences within a public discourse.","display_name":null,"website_url":"https:\/\/ceciliasordicampos.com\/","profile_type_id":2,"show_age":0,"twitter_handle":null,"facebook_handle":null,"linkedin_handle":null,"skype_handle":null,"google_plus_handle":null,"pinterest_handle":null,"instagram_handle":"ceciliasordicampos","vimeo_handle":null,"youtube_handle":null,"telephone":"+61 421 399 492","company_name":null,"address_1":null,"address_2":null,"city":null,"region":null,"country":null,"postcode":null,"vat_id":null,"codice_fiscale":null,"codice_destinatario":null,"pec_destinatario":null,"show_explicit_content":"0","created_at":"2018-09-27T10:41:48.000000Z","updated_at":"2022-05-12T10:29:29.000000Z"}}}