Beyond Pain: Eric

I have always been touched by the life force that manifests itself in even the most difficult situations. "Even in the blackest black there are shades of light".  Ian Brower

‘Eric’ is part of a long term photographic project called 'Pain that needs to be seen'.

This project has dual missions: To render visible people who find dignity in situations of suffering and to unleash dialogue through images.

It explores the ability to cope with illness. My wish being, to make life triumph without putting aside the suffering experienced. I have a humanistic approach to photography. I feel my way through situations, trying to capture subtle emotions. I believe pain needs to be shared. It shows us that we are not alone.

Eric was diagnosed with Alzheimer at the age of 56. He was sick for 10 years. This project takes place during the last two years of his life. I went to see him every two weeks. Sometimes in the presence of Béatrice (his wife), or Ariane, Valentine, Alexandre and Adrien (his children). My photographic relationship with Eric was silent. Our senses were sufficient. Simply being there, entirely. I took very few photos. The notes and photographs in my logbook gave way to Eric's disappearing memory.

I witnessed a life passing, and a family uniting. This story speaks of the destitution of man moving towards a disconcerting fragility.

A few quotes:

“To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering". Friedrich Nietzche

"You have to stand half way between hope and hopelessness".  Trungpa Rinpoche said to Ram Dass

Work Process:

I have included 11 photographs for this submission. For each project I embark on I do a logbook (A3 book). My logbook is a working tool, it helps me find my way when digging into a subject. It contains photographs, words, feelings, fears and quotes. It is a visual map of my journey. I see this logbook as being part of an exhibition, nailed to a table, there for people to flick through.

https://www.jessicahilltout.com/eric-logbook

For this project 'Pain that needs to be seen'  I have two finished chapters. 'Eric' & 'Virginie'.

My reality:

The fragile balance in my life between being an artist, being a mother to three young boys and earning a living is quite a beautiful struggle. Hanging on to my art is almost a question of survival for me. Receiving a grant would be an amazing boost of visibility and confidence in order to share my work via an exhibition, the press and hopefully the creation of The Small Book of Courage which would intern touch people or families going through difficult situations such as that of Eric and his family.

If I were to receive a grant my deep desire would be 3 things:

To continue this exploration into "Pain that needs to be seen" and create a few more chapters. Pain is often something we hide, or that we don't know how to react to. Photography and art in general are beautiful tools to evoke it in other ways than words.

To create a a small, beautifully made pamphlet (approximately A5 size), which would be distributed in appropriate places such as hospitals and residences. A book of courage and ardor. A book which instigates dialogue. I see this pamphlet printed on a newspaper like paper, I want it to be democratic and accessible to all. Im convinced I could find sponsors that would help with distribution once I have found help for printing costs.

I deeply believe it could bring a little humanity to people in places that are desperately lacking them due to exhausted staff and lack of time.

Thank you for considering my submission.

Jessica Hilltout