Beyond Pain: Virginie

"Even in the blackest black there are shades of light".  Ian Brower I have always been touched by the life force that manifests itself in even the most difficult situations.

‘Virginie’ is part of a long term photographic project called 'Beyond Pain'.

This project has dual missions: To render visible people who find dignity in situations of suffering and to unleash dialogue through images.

It explores the ability to cope with illness. My wish being, to make life triumph without putting aside the suffering experienced. I have a humanistic approach to photography. I feel my way through situations, trying to capture subtle emotions. I believe pain needs to be shared. It shows us that we are not alone.

Virginie lives with her partner Jean-Louis. They have three children, including Eloise who died at birth. A year after the loss of their daughter, Virginie is diagnosed with breast cancer. I would like to photograph her on her journey to recovery. She accepts. My camera and my dictaphone are discreet witnesses.

A struggle, her struggle.

The silence of the forest, the sound of footsteps, the heavy breathing and conversations that question life. Trying to probe Virginie’s soul through photography. Unveiling the invisible. Honoring the suffering.

A few quotes:

“To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering". Friedrich Nietzche

"You have to stand half way between hope and hopelessness".  Trungpa Rinpoche said to Ram Dass

Work Process:

I have included 10 photographs for this submission. For each project I embark on I do a logbook (A3 book). My logbook is a working tool, it helps me find my way when digging into a subject. It contains photographs, words, feelings, fears and quotes. It is a visual map of my journey into the subject. I see the logbook for 'Virginie' as being part of an exhibition, nailed to a table, there for people to flick through.

For this project 'Beyond Pain'  I have two finished chapters. 'Eric' & 'Virginie'. Both of which have been submitted for this grant.

My reality:

My quotidien balancing act of trying to fill my desires and aspirations as an artist, mother and earn my living is quite a beautifully challenging struggle. I seem to stand somewhere between power and powerlessness. Hanging on to my art is almost a question of survival for me. Receiving a grant would be an amazing boost of visibility and confidence in order to share my work via an exhibition, the press and hopefully the creation of The Small Book of Courage which would intern touch people or families going through difficult situations such as that of Virginie and her family.

If I were to receive a grant my deep desire would be 3 things:

To continue this exploration into "Beyond Pain" and create a few more chapters. Pain is often something we hide, or that we don't know how to react to. Photography and art is there so that we can relate to one another, and no experience is more universal than that of pain.

To create a small, beautifully made pamphlet (approximately A5 size), which would be distributed in appropriate places such as hospitals and residences. A book of courage and ardor. A book which instigates dialogue. I see this pamphlet printed on a newspaper like paper, I want it to be democratic and accessible to all. Im convinced I could find sponsors with a little push from the right exposure.

I deeply believe it could bring a little humanity to people in places that are desperately lacking them.

Thank you for considering my submission.

Jessica Hilltout