郷

This is an ongoing project documenting my return to my ancestral home in Linxiang, Hunan. I visited for the first time when I was 25 and these are the photos from this trip. I hope to visit once every two years.

I wanted爺爺to promise we would go visit Hunan together one day.

I remember telling him on that same day that for my graduation trip he and I would go to Hunan. He laughed in reply.

He never directly promised we would go -- probably because he knew he didn’t have much time left. I had selfishly asked him because I thought that if he had something to look forward to, he would be there for all the milestones in my life.

A few months later his dementia got worse, and he passed away.

For as long as I can remember, my father would tell me my grandfather’s story. My grandfather ran away to Taiwan during the Chinese Civil War. He lost contact with his mother, and both did not know if the other survived. Every year, my great grandmother would climb up Da Yun Shan to a Dao temple to pray for my grandfather’s wellbeing. It took her four days because of her bound feet. In 1969 my grandfather found a family member who could him send money home. This was how he told his mother he was still alive. He returned to his hometown Linxiang, Hunan 40 years later in 1988. By then my great grandmother had passed away.

This project is about my family. There are close ties to politics in this story, but above all these places and experiences are deeply connected to my history. It is my attempt to understand where I come from.

I grew up rarely acknowledging my roots in China. It was only until my grandfather’s death that I realized I was rejecting an identity he had passed down to me. This is his story which has now become interwoven into my own. It is my way of connecting my great grandmother, my grandfather, my father, and me to the present day. 

It is my way of keeping them alive.

I was able to show this project through a grant with Fujifilm. Last year as we were showcasing the exhibition, my project was censored in Shanghai. They stated that my project was too political. I would like to reiterate, this is not a political commentary. This is a project about my family, and my desire to reconnect to my grandfather after his passing.

Since starting this project, I envisioned a book that could be read in two directions (which sounds very complicated but let me explain). Chinese is read the opposite direction from English. My dad would write in Chinese and I would write in English, talking about our experience in Linxiang. My Chinese is not great, so I also think it would be incredible to have a book where we are talking about our feelings but there is a language barrier because of my lack of understanding of Chinese. If you can read Chinese, you can read my Dad's version. If you can read English, you can read mine. If you read both, then you get to read the entire book. I like this dissonance of information because it is how I live my life everyday with three language running through my mind.

This trip was my dad's first trip back in 10 years and it was the first in my entire life. I have never met the people in the photographs in all of my life until I went this time. It would be such an honor to be considered as a candidate for this project. I have dreamt about creating this book since coming back from this trip, and the creation of this book would help me come a step closer to getting to go back.

Thank you so much for your time and consideration.