Dear Cinema,

Sometimes I wonder if cinema has been the sole reason for me and my family to be where we are now. "Dear Cinema,” is a way for me to understand myself and my father through cinema and its many worlds.

Sometimes I think about how cinema suspended me and my family from reality. My family would have been very different if my grandfather had not left his hometown with dreams of becoming an actor. He was fascinated by the image of an actor that he saw on screen.

When I was 14, I took off from school to watch my favourite actor’s movie being filmed at an abandoned hotel. I was only there for a photo with the actor, but more importantly, I wanted to see him in person. I’ve seen his image on the big screen, but what is he like in reality? I can recall how exhilarated I felt when he glanced at me for just a second.

Was it the same feeling that made my grandfather leave his town to become an actor?

Was it the same feeling that made my father struggle all his youth, only to make a fleeting appearance in a film? 

What creates this allure towards cinema? What are its rules and what defines success or failure? How far is one prepared to go based on the idea of an illusory art?

Cinema gave my family a time under the spotlight but the life we constructed around it crumbled after the death of my grandfather. It was my father who lead me into the world of cinema and while he too dreamt of becoming an actor, his dream was star crossed. He used to screen films in movie theatres and this was his way of staying connected to the field. 

When one begins to look for answers to a recurring dream passed on from father to son, one finds oneself on the threshold of dreaming and waking. And when that line of separation becomes visible, even a little, the bigger picture comes into focus.

Cinema is a make-believe world made real for some. And for my grandfather, who was an actor, the illusion extended beyond the stage. It was his reality. My father, on the other hand, found a way to be a part of it in his own terms. His daily life completely revolves around cinema and he spends most part of his day watching old films from the fifties and sixties.

While we shared a close bond during my childhood, at some point in time, I began to drift away from him. To confront the distance between us, I began to photograph him. There exists generational trauma within the family, and I am looking for ways to overcome it. 

For the last 10 years, I have been working on “Dear Cinema,”. The process became an exploration to understand myself and my father through cinema and its many worlds. 

The more I worked on this, the more I understood what cinema gave and what it took.