• Dates
    2021 - Ongoing
  • Author
  • Locations Moscow, Kiev, Paris

It is a long-term project. Conceptually, I guess the project consists of four parts.

The first part concerns my body and the fear that motherhood will deform it, that it no longer belongs to me. I plan to film this part digitally and subject it to digital and analog manipulations using different techniques.

The second part consists of archive photos of my mother and landscapes, still life, made on medium format film, which constitute the same associative picture.

The third part came from outside. I thought about this project as a refugee and the war was there all the time. This resulted in the image of the nuclear threat as a kind of catastrophe which is still there. This part will be presented with archival photographs related to nuclear tests.

The fourth part will be the voice of desire. Desire against all odds to give new life. This part will be presented in the form of written and oral texts, and will be given to different women who will talk about how they experience this desire to conceive, which goes against the decision.

An important part of the project is nature. In the project, it will be presented both in photographs and in the form of plant shoots, which will be part of the photographic images and possibly part of the exhibition.

Here is my current statement:

What does a woman want? «She wants a baby» answers Sigmund Freud in «On Femininity».

This project is a study of female sexuality between the erotic desire to conceive and the fear of becoming a mother. At the moment I have no experience of motherhood, so everything related to this topic is presented in the project by artificial objects or generative art.

My fear of motherhood eventually brings me face to face with my mother, for whom I have ambivalent feelings. On the one hand, I want to retrospectively protect her from my father and allow myself to finally take her side. On the other hand, I see her as a threatening figure from the old world to which she belongs.

Threat is another factor that has come into my life. The war deprived me of my motherland. I am meditating about the fact that after an atomic explosion, life quickly regains territory. A radioactive place is overgrown with grass, trees, becomes a paradise, where a person does not come.

I am so scared to lose control of my body.

P.S. I want you to come inside me"

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