A note to myself

“A note to myself” is a visual exploration that starts in 2019, on how I tried to cope with my identity crisis followed up by anxiety attacks, going deeper into the emotional rollercoaster that life often puts us through.

A N O T E T O M Y S E L F

2019-2022

“A note to myself” is a visual exploration that starts in 2019, on how I tried to cope with my identity crisis followed up by anxiety attacks, going deeper into the emotional rollercoaster that life often puts us through.

If there was something I could tell you right now, you know I would, but in the middle of this crisis, trying to make sense of all this, feel so lonely here. But maybe you know that. I am the only one hearing this voice inside my head, the only one feeling these heartbeats in my chest, the only one with all these butterflies in my stomach. All this pain, all these thoughts, all these questions. But maybe you also know that.

You’ve probably been there yourself at least once. Isn't it? You too have been questioning: Who are we? What makes us, us? Uniquely us? What drives us to play that role, to believe what we believe, to set our values, to experience life the way we do? And simply like this, we build our identities along the way, along our unique journey that makes us who we are.

And yet, the truth is that we, humans, are still struggling. Still, there are moments in life when we face ourselves doubting and questioning ourselves. We still, sometimes, lose the perspective of who we are, especially due to radical stressors changes in our lives. Just like this, we go down the spiral into anxiety.

But I do believe this is one of the most important conflicts of our lifetime, where mental state and health can not be ignored or be left aside. Imagine that only during the first year of the COVID-19 pandemic, did the global prevalence of anxiety and depression increase by a massive 25%, according to a scientific brief released by the World Health Organization (WHO).

So, let this journey, through images and writings, document and explore my conflictive feelings, let it fulfill its purpose. Let it gives us an opportunity to share and acknowledge our mental state of mind, maybe it will make us rethink all the taboos about mental health. Let me through this experience share with you my journey and may it lead us back to ourselves.

© Alinne Rezende - Image from the A note to myself photography project
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Although it is not an official diagnosis, in 2019 I heard from my therapist that I was facing an identity crisis. That I shouldn't ignore it and bear in mind track of my responses and feelings, to not go into depression. It has been a tough path dealing w

© Alinne Rezende - Image from the A note to myself photography project
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Photography always helped me face my troubled times, and it played a crucial role this time, helping me not just face but explore my feelings, my blues, myself. This time, I bared my body and emotions trying to understand how I could reconnect back with m

© Alinne Rezende - Image from the A note to myself photography project
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A couple of months have passed since my return to Brazil, which helped me to restore some of my sanity. The days in Argentina were the beginning of my clarity, where I could breathe briefly without all the stressors I had been dealing with at the time. It

© Alinne Rezende - Image from the A note to myself photography project
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Some days were harder than orders, some were just too quiet, where I would struggle to find the strength to get out. Sometimes I had to push myself to keep ongoing. But there is beauty and a force everywhere, photograph helps me to find it, even in the sm

© Alinne Rezende - Image from the A note to myself photography project
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The most unexpected feeling - the calm before the storm. What an odd feeling: to be on the border of the opposites. (...) And I can see now, that it was what made me survive, just as if life was bringing me up to the surface to take that deep breath befor

© Alinne Rezende - Some days are just bigger than me, I can recognize that.
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Some days are just bigger than me, I can recognize that.

© Alinne Rezende - Image from the A note to myself photography project
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The agony some days does not let you think straight. I hope I do not forget to breathe, I hope I do not cave in to complete despair.emptiness / void

© Alinne Rezende - Image from the A note to myself photography project
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It is hard to understand what mental health is all about. I started to realize what it was when I could see the sequels in my body. When it wasn't just mental, it was physical. My body couldn't cope, I lost 10 kilos on such short notice. I didn't even not

© Alinne Rezende - Image from the A note to myself photography project
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I was doing just fine with all this craziness, but now, after more than 7 months, my body just can not keep together, not even my exercise routine is not helping me anymore. It is not functioning as it used to and all is getting too tiring.

© Alinne Rezende - Image from the A note to myself photography project
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let it golet it outlet it belet itThere was so much crying, and now I realize that crying was my body shouting out loud and taking control. Before I thought that crying was my body giving up holding on. But now I see it was quite the opposite, it w

© Alinne Rezende - Image from the A note to myself photography project
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Who are you? Without all your things? Without your titles? Without your nouns? Cause I am not my name, neither my profession or my belongings. And all those adjectives that describe me often do not tell who I am. Cause I am a daughter, a friend, a photogr

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