I can't get through the chaos

Michal Adamski

2011 - 2013

One year,

one place

two deaths.

Christmas Eve 2011

My parents are wishing each other Merry Christmas. Mom is standing heavily on her legs.

I’m feeling anxious.

We didn’t talk much that day.

Christmas Eve 2012

The last stretch of the road to the hospital leads through the forest. I have taken it every day since March.

Right now the road is slippery, melting snow splatters under the wheels.

I stop.

I go for a short walk down the river.

I know it’s over.

Half a year after my mother’s death, my dad passes away.

It was a tough year for me.

I watched my parents die slowly. I saw their pain, I saw their bodies suffer. I could not ask them anything anymore. I did not know how. I could not.

After some time the only thing I could do was take pictures.

Only then did I realise they were departing. Until that moment I had either not noticed or had refused to notice that.

These pictures tell a story of our shared silence and lonely suffering.

I cannot get through the chaos.

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