Everyone in me is a bird

2022 - Ongoing

EVERYONE IN ME IS A BIRD

Six years ago, I lost my brother to sudden cardiac death. My world collapsed and changed within a second. From that day on, grief has accompanied me. But when my brother left, he gave me the gift of perceiving life differently. He has taught me to be fearless, and to embrace what is to come. At his funeral, a small robin flew around us. Since then, birds remind me of my brother. A month after his death I found out I was pregnant. My daughter was born with her hair forming a small universe on her forehead.

Transcending between my chosen home-country Argentina and my native Germany, this work undoes distance, freely moving between time, seasons, countries, and space.

As part of a fragile ecosystem, nature becomes the connection. After three early pregnancy losses, the pregnancy of my second child was accompanied by doubt and fear, but I learned to listen to my body and trust that everything was going to be alright. My son was born during a full moon and a thunderstorm, followed by a major flood in Germany. Puerperium comes with immense joy, but also isolation and sadness, feelings that interchange at high-speed. One tries to find a new place in the world, searching to be reborn as well. These images are my journey, while I find step by step back to a new me.

I watch my children growing up, in a world of changing climate, and constant destruction of our planet. My children have awakened the most primitive instincts in me - unconditional love, aggression, the fear of death. Photography is my tool to remember, a sometimes desperate grasp of a fleeting moment. Through my images, I look for the magic in the ordinary, what it means to live, to lose, and most of all, to love.

(*the title is taken from a poem by Melissa Studdard)

Flowers in a vase in the city of Buenos Aires, on March 14, 2022. Pink flowers symbolize a mother’s love and at the same time, their transience reminds me of how fleeting time can be.
Self-portrait to say goodbye to the belly at 40 weeks pregnant on July 8, 2022, near Cologne, Germany. The next morning my water broke - my son was getting ready to leave my body.
I hold my son on November 7, 2021, in Buenos Aires, Argentina. Some say that puerperium ends after 40 days, but in fact, it feels much longer.
Two white herons encounter in the air next to a tree standing on an artificial lake in the city of Buenos Aires, on March 25, 2022. Chased for their plumage, white herons were on the brink of extinction. As an archaic symbol, birds stand for immortality, departed souls, fertility and strength.
I embrace my husband on July 30, 2020 in our apartment in Buenos Aires, Argentina. We had experienced two early pregnancy losses by then and a strict lockdown in Argentina. The challenges made us grow together, get stronger as a couple.
A galgo dog nurses her offspring on April 16, 2022, near Ezeiza, province of Buenos Aires, Argentina. I watched her thinking that in the end, we are all simply mammals.
My daughter Elena moves on the bed in our sleeping room while I lie behind her in Buenos Aires, Argentina on April 29, 2020. On that day, I noticed I would lose my pregnancy. I started to photograph us, trying to transit these difficult emotions.
I hold a blood-stained tissue after a very early pregnancy loss in Buenos Aires, Argentina on May 3, 2020. After a week of heavy emotions during full lockdown in Argentina, my body ended the pregnancy before it had really begun.
A pomegranate is cut in half in Buenos Aires, Argentina on June 4, 2020. Pomegranates are ancient symbols of fertility, frequently used in paintings. Their color and beauty have often inspired me.
My daughter Elena sits on my lap in our sleeping room and stretches her hand out towards the sun in Buenos Aires, Argentina on April 29, 2020. On this day I noticed I would lose my pregnancy. I took the camera to photograph and have something to hold on to.
A white goose enters a lake on March 29, 2021, in Buenos Aires, Argentina. The artificial lake in the middle of the city has become my personal small paradise, a place to reconnect with nature and observe the birds and find a moment of silence in the always-rushing city.
Self-portrait searching for the sun on April 9, 2022, in Buenos Aires, Argentina. Time has become extremely valuable with two children, small moments of me, just me, somewhere.
I nurse my son Lucio on March 6, 2022, in Buenos Aires, Argentina. Nursing amazes me, the capacity of my body to produce exactly what he needs. We try to separate ourselves from animals, but having a baby brings me right back to the most basic of our existence as mammals.
Smoke rises behind a fir-tree on January 9, 2022 near Cologne, Germany. On our travels to my native country, I look for the reconnection with nature in old legends and myths, something lost and wanting to be found again.
My husband Blas brushes our daughter Elena’s hair after a bath on April 7, 2022, in Buenos Aires, Argentina. Through the camera, I observe their connection and hold on to the ordinary.
Fallen palm leaves light up in the late afternoon light on March 4, 2022, in Buenos Aires, Argentina. Although their circle on the tree has ended, a new one is about to start. Everything has its place in nature.
A herd of deer stands on a meadow on August 25, 2020, near Cologne, Germany. They felt as a reminder of climate change to me, that when we destroy nature, it comes closer to us. These deer are kept for the production of wild meat.
My husband Blas comforts our daughter Elena during a nap on August 15, 2020, near Cologne, Germany. We had arrived from Argentina a few days earlier, escaping the rising curve of Corona cases in our home country. Around these days, I lost the third early pregnancy. We stopped trying, wanting to give us time to heal. But two months later I was pregnant again - our son had found its way into our lives.
A self-portrait a week after giving birth to my son, on July 18, 2021, near Cologne, Germany. Together with the abrupt hormone change, the empty belly causes all kinds of emotions. It feels as if the body is suddenly out of balance, the belly a big balloon without a function. One tries to find a new place in the world, searching to be reborn as well. Immense joy, sadness, fear, excitement—all those feelings interchange at high speed. And then, slowly, while the body recovers and settles, so does the mind. Step by step back to a new me.
A white rabbit sits on the grass on March 20, 2022, in Punta Indio, Province of Buenos Aires, Argentina, exactly two years after the pandemic had officially arrived in Argentina. It once belonged to someone but now roams free through the small village. Rabbits are ancient symbols of fertility and life and a reminder of my childhood.

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My daughter was born with her hair forming a small universe on her forehead. \r\n\r\nTranscending between my chosen home-country Argentina and my native Germany, this work undoes distance, freely moving between time, seasons, countries, and space. \r\nAs part of a fragile ecosystem, nature becomes the connection. After three early pregnancy losses, the pregnancy of my second child was accompanied by doubt and fear, but I learned to listen to my body and trust that everything was going to be alright. My son was born during a full moon and a thunderstorm, followed by a major flood in Germany. Puerperium comes with immense joy, but also isolation and sadness, feelings that interchange at high-speed. One tries to find a new place in the world, searching to be reborn as well. These images are my journey, while I find step by step back to a new me.\r\n\r\nI watch my children growing up, in a world of changing climate, and constant destruction of our planet. 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On our travels to my native country, I look for the reconnection with nature in old legends and myths, something lost and wanting to be found again.","caption_raw":"Smoke rises behind a fir-tree on January 9, 2022 near Cologne, Germany. On our travels to my native country, I look for the reconnection with nature in old legends and myths, something lost and wanting to be found again.","deleted_at":null,"image":{"id":687048,"filename":"\/users\/11060\/grant-submissions\/51492\/rjo7u18132655982.JPG","has_tried_to_detect_moderation_labels":0,"has_moderation_labels":0,"moderation_label_json":null,"is_explicit":0,"is_not_explicit":0,"explicit_percentage":0,"created_at":"2022-10-13T02:49:13.000000Z","updated_at":"2022-10-13T02:49:13.000000Z"},"story_block":null},{"id":563558,"grant_submission_id":51492,"story_block_id":null,"image_id":687051,"position":13,"created_at":"2022-10-13T02:49:15.000000Z","updated_at":"2022-10-13T02:57:17.000000Z","caption":"My husband Blas brushes our daughter Elena\u2019s hair after a bath on April 7, 2022, in Buenos Aires, Argentina. Through the camera, I observe their connection and hold on to the ordinary.","caption_raw":"My husband Blas brushes our daughter Elena\u2019s hair after a bath on April 7, 2022, in Buenos Aires, Argentina. Through the camera, I observe their connection and hold on to the ordinary.","deleted_at":null,"image":{"id":687051,"filename":"\/users\/11060\/grant-submissions\/51492\/rjo7u235fa33908e.JPG","has_tried_to_detect_moderation_labels":0,"has_moderation_labels":0,"moderation_label_json":null,"is_explicit":0,"is_not_explicit":0,"explicit_percentage":0,"created_at":"2022-10-13T02:49:15.000000Z","updated_at":"2022-10-13T02:49:15.000000Z"},"story_block":null},{"id":563553,"grant_submission_id":51492,"story_block_id":null,"image_id":687046,"position":14,"created_at":"2022-10-13T02:49:13.000000Z","updated_at":"2022-10-13T02:57:17.000000Z","caption":"Fallen palm leaves light up in the late afternoon light on March 4, 2022, in Buenos Aires, Argentina. Although their circle on the tree has ended, a new one is about to start. Everything has its place in nature.","caption_raw":"Fallen palm leaves light up in the late afternoon light on March 4, 2022, in Buenos Aires, Argentina. Although their circle on the tree has ended, a new one is about to start. Everything has its place in nature.","deleted_at":null,"image":{"id":687046,"filename":"\/users\/11060\/grant-submissions\/51492\/rjo7u0b444753889.JPG","has_tried_to_detect_moderation_labels":0,"has_moderation_labels":0,"moderation_label_json":null,"is_explicit":0,"is_not_explicit":0,"explicit_percentage":0,"created_at":"2022-10-13T02:49:13.000000Z","updated_at":"2022-10-13T02:49:13.000000Z"},"story_block":null},{"id":563556,"grant_submission_id":51492,"story_block_id":null,"image_id":687049,"position":15,"created_at":"2022-10-13T02:49:14.000000Z","updated_at":"2022-10-13T02:57:17.000000Z","caption":"A herd of deer stands on a meadow on August 25, 2020, near Cologne, Germany. They felt as a reminder of climate change to me, that when we destroy nature, it comes closer to us. These deer are kept for the production of wild meat.","caption_raw":"A herd of deer stands on a meadow on August 25, 2020, near Cologne, Germany. They felt as a reminder of climate change to me, that when we destroy nature, it comes closer to us. These deer are kept for the production of wild meat.","deleted_at":null,"image":{"id":687049,"filename":"\/users\/11060\/grant-submissions\/51492\/rjo7u217a4c55894.JPG","has_tried_to_detect_moderation_labels":0,"has_moderation_labels":0,"moderation_label_json":null,"is_explicit":0,"is_not_explicit":0,"explicit_percentage":0,"created_at":"2022-10-13T02:49:14.000000Z","updated_at":"2022-10-13T02:49:14.000000Z"},"story_block":null},{"id":563546,"grant_submission_id":51492,"story_block_id":null,"image_id":687039,"position":16,"created_at":"2022-10-13T02:48:47.000000Z","updated_at":"2022-10-13T02:57:17.000000Z","caption":"My husband Blas comforts our daughter Elena during a nap on August 15, 2020, near Cologne, Germany. We had arrived from Argentina a few days earlier, escaping the rising curve of Corona cases in our home country. Around these days, I lost the third early pregnancy. We stopped trying, wanting to give us time to heal. But two months later I was pregnant again - our son had found its way into our lives.","caption_raw":"My husband Blas comforts our daughter Elena during a nap on August 15, 2020, near Cologne, Germany. We had arrived from Argentina a few days earlier, escaping the rising curve of Corona cases in our home country. Around these days, I lost the third early pregnancy. We stopped trying, wanting to give us time to heal. But two months later I was pregnant again - our son had found its way into our lives.","deleted_at":null,"image":{"id":687039,"filename":"\/users\/11060\/grant-submissions\/51492\/rjo7taa7a73c3d43.JPG","has_tried_to_detect_moderation_labels":0,"has_moderation_labels":0,"moderation_label_json":null,"is_explicit":0,"is_not_explicit":0,"explicit_percentage":0,"created_at":"2022-10-13T02:48:47.000000Z","updated_at":"2022-10-13T02:48:47.000000Z"},"story_block":null},{"id":563548,"grant_submission_id":51492,"story_block_id":null,"image_id":687041,"position":17,"created_at":"2022-10-13T02:48:51.000000Z","updated_at":"2022-10-13T02:57:17.000000Z","caption":"A self-portrait a week after giving birth to my son, on July 18, 2021, near Cologne, Germany. Together with the abrupt hormone change, the empty belly causes all kinds of emotions. It feels as if the body is suddenly out of balance, the belly a big balloon without a function. One tries to find a new place in the world, searching to be reborn as well.\r\n\r\nImmense joy, sadness, fear, excitement\u2014all those feelings interchange at high speed. And then, slowly, while the body recovers and settles, so does the mind. Step by step back to a new me.","caption_raw":"A self-portrait a week after giving birth to my son, on July 18, 2021, near Cologne, Germany. Together with the abrupt hormone change, the empty belly causes all kinds of emotions. It feels as if the body is suddenly out of balance, the belly a big balloon without a function. One tries to find a new place in the world, searching to be reborn as well.\r\n\r\nImmense joy, sadness, fear, excitement\u2014all those feelings interchange at high speed. And then, slowly, while the body recovers and settles, so does the mind. Step by step back to a new me.","deleted_at":null,"image":{"id":687041,"filename":"\/users\/11060\/grant-submissions\/51492\/rjo7tfa762212dbe.JPG","has_tried_to_detect_moderation_labels":0,"has_moderation_labels":0,"moderation_label_json":null,"is_explicit":0,"is_not_explicit":0,"explicit_percentage":0,"created_at":"2022-10-13T02:48:51.000000Z","updated_at":"2022-10-13T02:48:51.000000Z"},"story_block":null},{"id":563537,"grant_submission_id":51492,"story_block_id":null,"image_id":687030,"position":18,"created_at":"2022-10-13T02:46:46.000000Z","updated_at":"2022-10-13T02:57:17.000000Z","caption":"A white rabbit sits on the grass on March 20, 2022, in Punta Indio, Province of Buenos Aires, Argentina, exactly two years after the pandemic had officially arrived in Argentina. It once belonged to someone but now roams free through the small village. Rabbits are ancient symbols of fertility and life and a reminder of my childhood.","caption_raw":"A white rabbit sits on the grass on March 20, 2022, in Punta Indio, Province of Buenos Aires, Argentina, exactly two years after the pandemic had officially arrived in Argentina. It once belonged to someone but now roams free through the small village. Rabbits are ancient symbols of fertility and life and a reminder of my childhood.","deleted_at":null,"image":{"id":687030,"filename":"\/users\/11060\/grant-submissions\/51492\/rjo7py050c1e227f.JPG","has_tried_to_detect_moderation_labels":0,"has_moderation_labels":0,"moderation_label_json":null,"is_explicit":0,"is_not_explicit":0,"explicit_percentage":0,"created_at":"2022-10-13T02:46:46.000000Z","updated_at":"2022-10-13T02:46:46.000000Z"},"story_block":null}],"cover_block_image":{"id":563546,"grant_submission_id":51492,"story_block_id":null,"image_id":687039,"position":16,"created_at":"2022-10-13T02:48:47.000000Z","updated_at":"2022-10-13T02:57:17.000000Z","caption":"My husband Blas comforts our daughter Elena during a nap on August 15, 2020, near Cologne, Germany. We had arrived from Argentina a few days earlier, escaping the rising curve of Corona cases in our home country. Around these days, I lost the third early pregnancy. We stopped trying, wanting to give us time to heal. But two months later I was pregnant again - our son had found its way into our lives.","caption_raw":"My husband Blas comforts our daughter Elena during a nap on August 15, 2020, near Cologne, Germany. We had arrived from Argentina a few days earlier, escaping the rising curve of Corona cases in our home country. Around these days, I lost the third early pregnancy. We stopped trying, wanting to give us time to heal. But two months later I was pregnant again - our son had found its way into our lives.","deleted_at":null,"image":{"id":687039,"filename":"\/users\/11060\/grant-submissions\/51492\/rjo7taa7a73c3d43.JPG","has_tried_to_detect_moderation_labels":0,"has_moderation_labels":0,"moderation_label_json":null,"is_explicit":0,"is_not_explicit":0,"explicit_percentage":0,"created_at":"2022-10-13T02:48:47.000000Z","updated_at":"2022-10-13T02:48:47.000000Z"}},"user":{"id":11060,"firstname":"Sarah","lastname":"Pabst","username":"sarah_pabst","can_skip_grant_payment":0,"is_unsubscribed_from_grant_emails":0,"disabled_at":null,"gender":"female","has_agreed_to_newsletter":1,"has_agreed_to_newsletter_at":null,"timezone":null,"is_legacy":1,"is_collateral_juror":0,"legacy_id":"96820750-001c-11e5-8bce-234dac72f1df","accepted_tandcs_may18_at":"2019-02-20 11:37:29","last_logged_in_at":"2023-02-17T01:08:24.000000Z","last_logged_in_country":"AR","registered_country":null,"is_not_spam":0,"when_legacy_potd":null,"delete_at":null,"created_at":"2015-12-01T14:23:32.000000Z","updated_at":"2023-02-17T01:08:24.000000Z","deleted_at":null,"profile":{"id":11053,"user_id":11060,"born_in_id":37581,"based_in_id":146107,"currently_in_id":35039,"nationality_id":8,"avatar":"\/users\/11060\/avatars\/rkzd5hba91365809.jpg","cover_image":null,"born_at":"1984-06-22T00:00:00.000000Z","profession":null,"bio":"Sarah is a German-born (1984) documentary photographer and painter based in Buenos Aires, Argentina.","long_bio":"Sarah Pabst is a German-born photojournalist and visual storyteller based in Buenos Aires, Argentina. \r<\/p>Besides her personal intimate work she mainly focuses on women, identity, human rights and environmental issues. Her work has been exhibited both nationally and internationally. She is a member of Women Photograph and Ay\u00fcn Fot\u00f3grafas, a collective of women photographers united by Latin America that is in partnership with NOOR. In 2021 she became a National Geographic Explorer and a grantee of the Pulitzer Center on Crisis Reporting. She was chosen as a mentor for the Women Photograph Mentorship Program 2022. \r<\/p>In 2021, she also published her first book, Morning Song, with Raya Editorial, a deeply personal story on motherhood, lockdown, pregnancy loss and love. \r<\/p>In the same year she was three times awarded at Picture of the Year Latam (POY Latam), among others a second prize as Photographer of the Year 2021; and received another second prize at the Picture of the Year International (POYi) 2021 in the Covid-19 Personal Expression category for her project Morning Song. Her work was further awarded with an Honorable Mention at the International Photography Awards (IPA) and two times bronze at the Paris Photo Awards (PX3) and a Juror Pick at the Daylight Awards 2021. \r<\/p>In 2020 she received the National Geographic Emergency Fund for Journalists for a group collaboration with Ay\u00fcn. In the same year she was selected for the XXXIII Eddie Adams Masterclass and shortlisted for the Women Photographer Grant of the Photographic Museum of Humanity. Before, her work has received international recognition being a winner of the Lensculture Emerging Talent Awards, a finalist in Burn Emerging Photographer Grant, Arles' Voies Off and Athens Photo Festival, winner of the Organ Vida Festival and a finalst at the Gomma Grant, all 2017. She was three times nominated for the Joop Swart Masterclass (2017, 2018, 2019) and selected for Emcontros da Imagen in 2019. She was a winner of the Portfolio Revisions at FoLa and selected twice for Descubrimientos Photo Espa\u00f1a. In 2015 she won a 3rd Prize at the Picture of the Year LATAM and was awarded with the Canon Profifoto Grant 2014. \r<\/p>Her work has been published in numerous international outlets such as National Geographic, Time, The New York Times, Financial Times Magazine, Washington Post, Zeit, Der Spiegel, The Wall Street Journal, California Sunday Magazine, Bloomberg Market Magazine, Vice, GUP and Le Monde Diplomatique, among others. Sarah is a regular contributor for Bloomberg News. Her work was shown in different exhibitions worldwide in countries such as Argentina, Germany, Greece, Brasil and Mexico. Since 2015 she's a featured Instagram photographer. \r<\/p>\u201cTo me, photography is a way to tell someone\u2019s story through your very subjective and emotional view. I am not interested in the big issues, but in the small stories of people anyone would listen to. To these people that let me be a part of their lives for a moment that can be a miserable, difficult or also euphoric one, I have a responsibility. \u201c<\/p>","long_bio_raw":"Sarah Pabst is a German-born photojournalist and visual storyteller based in Buenos Aires, Argentina. \r\nBesides her personal intimate work she mainly focuses on women, identity, human rights and environmental issues. Her work has been exhibited both nationally and internationally. She is a member of Women Photograph and Ay\u00fcn Fot\u00f3grafas, a collective of women photographers united by Latin America that is in partnership with NOOR. In 2021 she became a National Geographic Explorer and a grantee of the Pulitzer Center on Crisis Reporting. She was chosen as a mentor for the Women Photograph Mentorship Program 2022. \r\nIn 2021, she also published her first book, Morning Song, with Raya Editorial, a deeply personal story on motherhood, lockdown, pregnancy loss and love. \r\nIn the same year she was three times awarded at Picture of the Year Latam (POY Latam), among others a second prize as Photographer of the Year 2021; and received another second prize at the Picture of the Year International (POYi) 2021 in the Covid-19 Personal Expression category for her project Morning Song. Her work was further awarded with an Honorable Mention at the International Photography Awards (IPA) and two times bronze at the Paris Photo Awards (PX3) and a Juror Pick at the Daylight Awards 2021. \r\nIn 2020 she received the National Geographic Emergency Fund for Journalists for a group collaboration with Ay\u00fcn. In the same year she was selected for the XXXIII Eddie Adams Masterclass and shortlisted for the Women Photographer Grant of the Photographic Museum of Humanity. Before, her work has received international recognition being a winner of the Lensculture Emerging Talent Awards, a finalist in Burn Emerging Photographer Grant, Arles' Voies Off and Athens Photo Festival, winner of the Organ Vida Festival and a finalst at the Gomma Grant, all 2017. She was three times nominated for the Joop Swart Masterclass (2017, 2018, 2019) and selected for Emcontros da Imagen in 2019. She was a winner of the Portfolio Revisions at FoLa and selected twice for Descubrimientos Photo Espa\u00f1a. In 2015 she won a 3rd Prize at the Picture of the Year LATAM and was awarded with the Canon Profifoto Grant 2014. \r\nHer work has been published in numerous international outlets such as National Geographic, Time, The New York Times, Financial Times Magazine, Washington Post, Zeit, Der Spiegel, The Wall Street Journal, California Sunday Magazine, Bloomberg Market Magazine, Vice, GUP and Le Monde Diplomatique, among others. Sarah is a regular contributor for Bloomberg News. Her work was shown in different exhibitions worldwide in countries such as Argentina, Germany, Greece, Brasil and Mexico. Since 2015 she's a featured Instagram photographer. \r\n\r\n\u201cTo me, photography is a way to tell someone\u2019s story through your very subjective and emotional view. I am not interested in the big issues, but in the small stories of people anyone would listen to. To these people that let me be a part of their lives for a moment that can be a miserable, difficult or also euphoric one, I have a responsibility. \u201c","display_name":null,"website_url":null,"profile_type_id":2,"show_age":0,"twitter_handle":null,"facebook_handle":null,"linkedin_handle":null,"skype_handle":"pabstsarah","google_plus_handle":null,"pinterest_handle":null,"instagram_handle":"_sarahpabst_","vimeo_handle":null,"youtube_handle":null,"telephone":null,"company_name":null,"address_1":null,"address_2":null,"city":null,"region":null,"country":null,"postcode":null,"vat_id":null,"codice_fiscale":null,"codice_destinatario":null,"pec_destinatario":null,"show_explicit_content":"0","created_at":"2015-12-01T14:23:32.000000Z","updated_at":"2022-11-07T13:51:18.000000Z"}}}