Asking for the Sun

This is a project about nostalgia and uncertainty. About finding home in an idea and trying to hold on to it. It negoiates the contradictions between the authors relationship with past and present.

I remember the warm light shining on my skin in the evening. Nobody recognises me here, no interactions with people but only brushing the shoulders of strangers within the narrow streets of the town. My language is seldom heard. I escaped into a state of emotional floating, being confronted only with a life well spend, full of contradictions. Are you aware of how obsessive you sound? The feeling of Nostalgia crashes down upon me with an unpleasant force.

All my life, I have been someone, that bloomed the most in situations, which had a lack of familiarity, a lack of certainty. Being solitaire within such an environment, my emotional perception was always the strongest.

I thought, I recognized the back of your head up north in town. While strolling through the night, my stay here feels fragile but irretrievable at the same time. Every night as I come home, I cling to the memories that never existed. But the shock hurts more, than the slap in the face, so I go to bed and listen to the seagulls, singing for the Atlantic at four in the morning.

There’s a constantly felt shiver, trying to catch the wind between my fingertips. I may never get back, this free unattached feeling of solitude. Being so stuck in the present, and lost to the past, feels as if one is continuously stumbling and then catches oneself again, shortly before falling, only to continue stumbling again.

I was here the whole time.