Miserere | Shortlisted Project - PhMuseum 2020 Photographers Grant - PhMuseum

Miserere

{"id":40922,"grant_id":18,"user_id":55615,"grant_submission_status_id":4,"grant_result_type_id":null,"cover_block_id":450041,"story_id":32659,"place_id":null,"title":"Miserere","excerpt":"","excerpt_raw":"","body":"<p>As a child, I was to read the psalm of David twice a day, morning and evening, according to the prayer rule.\r<\/p><p>Then I felt my personhood through pain: \u201c\u2026the subject (since Christianity) is the one who suffers. Where there is a wound, there is a subject\u201d says Roland Barthes in \u201cA Lover\u2019s Discourse: Fragments\u201d. Now I am reviewing my memories from new perspectives. But no new self-definition (for example, atheist; feminist; spectator) takes me completely out of the Christian paradigm, where agency derives from pain and trauma.\r<\/p><p>God, as a projection of my rejecting father, made me want to attract attention through sin. The very word \u201csin\u201d has always had a sexual connotation for me. From the text of New Testament I learned that God did not come to the righteous, but sinners, and this determined the strategy of my behavior for many years. Mary Magdalene became an example I would follow as a woman who lived outside of taboos. Sin was interpreted by me as rebellion, new sincerity, and the right to subjectivity.\r<\/p><p>The concept of sin is an important theme in my work. As an atheist, I intend to investigate the phenomenon of splitting the sin concept and the religious paradigm that gave birth to it. So, having abandoned the Christian faith, I still ardently respond to the possibility of committing a sin (read, an unorthodox sexual act) as a call to a non-existent God. Sin (sign) from separating (leading away from God) became uniting (leading to Him).\r<\/p><p>Here I refer to Jacques Derrida: \u201c\u2026if you go through what we know as negative theology, apophatic theological criticism, and so on, and deconstruction \u2013 if we don\u2019t go as far as possible in this direction of atheism, then this belief in God is na\u00efve and totally inauthentic. Now, in order to be authentic, belief in God must be exposed to the absolute doubt.\u201d\r<\/p><p>In this project, I try to recreate some significant events from my life through photography, to look at them from the outside, as does God I don\u2019t believe in.\r<\/p><p>Each frame corresponds to both a traumatic memory and a verse\r<\/p><p> from the psalm.<\/p>","body_raw":"As a child, I was to read the psalm of David twice a day, morning and evening, according to the prayer rule.\r\n\r\nThen I felt my personhood through pain: \u201c\u2026the subject (since Christianity) is the one who suffers. Where there is a wound, there is a subject\u201d says Roland Barthes in \u201cA Lover\u2019s Discourse: Fragments\u201d. Now I am reviewing my memories from new perspectives. But no new self-definition (for example, atheist; feminist; spectator) takes me completely out of the Christian paradigm, where agency derives from pain and trauma.\r\n\r\nGod, as a projection of my rejecting father, made me want to attract attention through sin. The very word \u201csin\u201d has always had a sexual connotation for me. From the text of New Testament I learned that God did not come to the righteous, but sinners, and this determined the strategy of my behavior for many years. Mary Magdalene became an example I would follow as a woman who lived outside of taboos. Sin was interpreted by me as rebellion, new sincerity, and the right to subjectivity.\r\n\r\nThe concept of sin is an important theme in my work. As an atheist, I intend to investigate the phenomenon of splitting the sin concept and the religious paradigm that gave birth to it. So, having abandoned the Christian faith, I still ardently respond to the possibility of committing a sin (read, an unorthodox sexual act) as a call to a non-existent God. Sin (sign) from separating (leading away from God) became uniting (leading to Him).\r\n\r\nHere I refer to Jacques Derrida: \u201c\u2026if you go through what we know as negative theology, apophatic theological criticism, and so on, and deconstruction \u2013 if we don\u2019t go as far as possible in this direction of atheism, then this belief in God is na\u00efve and totally inauthentic. Now, in order to be authentic, belief in God must be exposed to the absolute doubt.\u201d\r\n\r\nIn this project, I try to recreate some significant events from my life through photography, to look at them from the outside, as does God I don\u2019t believe in.\r\n\r\nEach frame corresponds to both a traumatic memory and a verse\r\n from the 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