Rehearsal to Ourselves

  • Rehearsal to Ourselves Of a Withdrawn Delight - Affords a Bliss like Murder - Omnipotent - Acute - We will not drop the Dirk - Because We love the Wound The Dirk Commemorate - Itself Remind Us that we died. Emily Dickinson

{"id":20471,"grant_id":11,"user_id":41513,"grant_submission_status_id":4,"grant_result_type_id":null,"cover_block_id":230985,"story_id":23668,"place_id":null,"title":"Rehearsal to Ourselves","excerpt":null,"excerpt_raw":null,"body":"<p>September 2015. I'm not in a position to drive a car, but I decide to find out how many kilometers a vehicle is able to travel without ever appealing to the brake. \r<\/p><p>\"Behaviours dangerously close to being defined as Borderline Spectrum of Personality\".\r<\/p><p>A pathological reality, totally unknown to me until then, but which according to DSM5 affects 5.6% of the population, has chosen, without my consent, to break through the doors of the reality that was my life, invading and manipulating my body, my thoughts, my actions and my feelings.\r<\/p><p>This project is a journey through my emotional archives. It is a journey in search of an authentic portrait of the feeling of lack of control over one's own emotionality, and consequently over one's own relationships and one's own life.\r<\/p><p>It's the attempt to create a tangible and visual emotional reality, giving it all the theatricality it deserves and with which it is permeated, but that once reported in the image turns ironically into clumsiness, and vice versa. \r<\/p><p>The fact that the hundreds of pins that pierce the chest every time you feel in danger find their visual dignity, becoming symbols, colors, objects and shadows, makes them immediately recognizable and, consequently, flippable.\r<\/p><p>There is a sort of underlying identity with the Demon-God. The Body has a necessary relationship with shadows, which in the image become a material structure. These not only grab the Body, but the Body itself must reconnect with them and dissipate; this action of \"passing through\" is made up of real, physical, effective states, which involve pain, time, pauses and a large dose of resilience. Only after all the necessary steps can the Figure finally dissolve, realizing the prophecy. When the visible body faces the powers of the invisible, it can only give them its own visibility standards. It is only in this field of perception that the body actively struggles, affirming a triumphal possibility that was unknown to it until those powers remained invisible within their spectacle, that it takes away its strengths and deflects. When it faces the invisible Demon who conditions it, the visual sensation releases a force capable of overwhelming him or, at least, of making him its friend.\r<\/p><p>The journey towards buried reality continues, because it is unexpectedly more fun than painful, and because through research this reality becomes immensely wider and, consequently, less suffocating. By breaking the representation, shattering the narration and preventing the illustration, perhaps, the Figure will be finally freed.<\/p>","body_raw":"September 2015. I'm not in a position to drive a car, but I decide to find out how many kilometers a vehicle is able to travel without ever appealing to the brake. \r\n\"Behaviours dangerously close to being defined as Borderline Spectrum of Personality\".\r\nA pathological reality, totally unknown to me until then, but which according to DSM5 affects 5.6% of the population, has chosen, without my consent, to break through the doors of the reality that was my life, invading and manipulating my body, my thoughts, my actions and my feelings.\r\n\r\nThis project is a journey through my emotional archives. It is a journey in search of an authentic portrait of the feeling of lack of control over one's own emotionality, and consequently over one's own relationships and one's own life.\r\nIt's the attempt to create a tangible and visual emotional reality, giving it all the theatricality it deserves and with which it is permeated, but that once reported in the image turns ironically into clumsiness, and vice versa. \r\nThe fact that the hundreds of pins that pierce the chest every time you feel in danger find their visual dignity, becoming symbols, colors, objects and shadows, makes them immediately recognizable and, consequently, flippable.\r\n\r\nThere is a sort of underlying identity with the Demon-God. The Body has a necessary relationship with shadows, which in the image become a material structure. These not only grab the Body, but the Body itself must reconnect with them and dissipate; this action of \"passing through\" is made up of real, physical, effective states, which involve pain, time, pauses and a large dose of resilience. Only after all the necessary steps can the Figure finally dissolve, realizing the prophecy. When the visible body faces the powers of the invisible, it can only give them its own visibility standards. It is only in this field of perception that the body actively struggles, affirming a triumphal possibility that was unknown to it until those powers remained invisible within their spectacle, that it takes away its strengths and deflects. When it faces the invisible Demon who conditions it, the visual sensation releases a force capable of overwhelming him or, at least, of making him its friend.\r\n\r\nThe journey towards buried reality continues, because it is unexpectedly more fun than painful, and because through research this reality becomes immensely wider and, consequently, less suffocating. By breaking the representation, shattering the narration and preventing the illustration, perhaps, the Figure will be finally freed.","is_shortlisted":1,"is_strong":0,"is_ongoing":1,"is_unpublished":0,"sent_first_email_reminder":0,"awaiting_payment":1,"has_started_payment":0,"has_started_paypal_payment":0,"is_public":0,"media_ok":0,"has_tracked":1,"amount_paid":32,"external_id":null,"payment_id":"3BT220595A485220D","session_id":null,"token":null,"grant_order_id":4846,"submitted_at":"2019-10-17 06:19:32","started_at":"2017-01-01 00:00:00","ended_at":null,"created_at":"2019-10-11 14:49:40","updated_at":"2019-10-17 13:35:01","place":null,"publications":[],"categories":[],"tags":[{"id":1444,"tag":"selfportrait","created_at":"2015-12-07 17:05:47","updated_at":"2015-12-07 17:05:47","pivot":{"grant_submission_id":20471,"tag_id":1444}},{"id":77,"tag":"woman","created_at":"2015-12-07 17:05:37","updated_at":"2015-12-07 17:05:37","pivot":{"grant_submission_id":20471,"tag_id":77}},{"id":58,"tag":"body","created_at":"2015-12-07 17:05:37","updated_at":"2015-12-07 17:05:37","pivot":{"grant_submission_id":20471,"tag_id":58}},{"id":249,"tag":"mental health","created_at":"2015-12-07 17:05:38","updated_at":"2015-12-07 17:05:38","pivot":{"grant_submission_id":20471,"tag_id":249}}],"blocks":[{"id":230891,"grant_submission_id":20471,"story_block_id":null,"image_id":350708,"position":-1,"created_at":"2019-10-16 21:54:14","updated_at":"2019-10-16 22:52:03","caption":"Rehearsal to Ourselves \r\nOf a Withdrawn Delight -\r\nAffords a Bliss like Murder -\r\nOmnipotent - Acute -\r\n\r\nWe will not drop the Dirk -\r\nBecause We love the Wound \r\nThe Dirk Commemorate - Itself\r\nRemind Us that we died.\r\n\r\nEmily Dickinson","caption_raw":"Rehearsal to Ourselves \r\nOf a Withdrawn Delight -\r\nAffords a Bliss like Murder -\r\nOmnipotent - Acute -\r\n\r\nWe will not drop the Dirk -\r\nBecause We love the Wound \r\nThe Dirk Commemorate - Itself\r\nRemind Us that we died.\r\n\r\nEmily Dickinson","deleted_at":null,"image":{"id":350708,"filename":"\/users\/41513\/grant-submissions\/20471\/pzhm6e188aa6f48f.jpg","created_at":"2019-10-16 21:54:14","updated_at":"2019-10-16 21:54:14"},"story_block":null},{"id":230892,"grant_submission_id":20471,"story_block_id":null,"image_id":350709,"position":0,"created_at":"2019-10-16 21:54:15","updated_at":"2019-10-16 22:52:03","caption":"","caption_raw":null,"deleted_at":null,"image":{"id":350709,"filename":"\/users\/41513\/grant-submissions\/20471\/pzhm6e6a8c2cdd4d.jpg","created_at":"2019-10-16 21:54:15","updated_at":"2019-10-16 21:54:15"},"story_block":null},{"id":230985,"grant_submission_id":20471,"story_block_id":null,"image_id":350805,"position":1,"created_at":"2019-10-16 22:48:57","updated_at":"2019-10-16 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23:15:20","timezone":null,"is_legacy":0,"legacy_id":null,"accepted_tandcs_may18_at":"2019-09-07 23:15:20","last_logged_in_at":"2019-10-16 22:56:09","created_at":"2019-09-07 23:15:20","updated_at":"2019-10-16 22:56:09","deleted_at":null,"profile":{"id":41453,"user_id":41513,"born_in_id":145444,"based_in_id":82203,"currently_in_id":82203,"nationality_id":88,"avatar":"\/users\/41513\/avatars\/pz9t1i39fda31c38.jpg","cover_image":null,"born_at":"1994-05-03 00:00:00","profession":null,"bio":"Giorgia Zaffanelli (b. 1994) is a documentary photographer currently living in Milan.","long_bio":"<p>Giorgia Zaffanelli is an italian photographer, currently based in Milan.<\/p><p>She actively collaborates with Micamera, gallery, association and bookshop entirely dedicated to photography.<\/p><p>Alongside her studies of anthropology, her photographic resource is focused on long-term documentary projects, with a particular focus on identity and femininity.<\/p><p>At the moment, she is working on a metaphotographic self-portrait project, focused on the relationship between the soul and the vision we have of reality.<\/p>","long_bio_raw":"Giorgia Zaffanelli is an italian photographer, currently based in Milan.\nShe actively collaborates with Micamera, gallery, association and bookshop entirely dedicated to photography.\nAlongside her studies of anthropology, her photographic resource is focused on long-term documentary projects, with a particular focus on identity and femininity.\nAt the moment, she is working on a metaphotographic self-portrait project, focused on the relationship between the soul and the vision we have of reality.","twitter_handle":null,"facebook_handle":null,"skype_handle":null,"google_plus_handle":null,"pinterest_handle":null,"instagram_handle":"giorgia_zaffanelli","vimeo_handle":null,"youtube_handle":null,"telephone":null,"show_explicit_content":"0","created_at":"2019-09-07 23:15:20","updated_at":"2019-10-16 22:54:25"}}}