Neuromantic

Dates

2020 - Ongoing
Author

Ana Vallejo
Locations New York, Colombia
Recognition

Solo show at PhMuseum Days 2022 - PhMuseum Days 2022 Open Call

My name is Ana and I am a love addict. All my life, I have been consumed by anxiety and trapped in a loop of idealizing unavailable men. In march 2020 the Covid 19 pandemic severely hit NY and I was suddenly trapped in my apartment with my anxieties.

This ignited a process of looking inward to dissect and find the source of my addiction. I started a multidisciplinary personal investigation where I merge neuroscience, psychology, images, and anonymously sourced data from questions I ask to strangers.

I photographed partners and close female friends and family members with whom I share similar histories and relationship experiences and my apartment became the stage where I could re signify my traumas and inner world.

I found studies that suggest that exposure to trauma can change the way genes express stress in our brain and that it can be passed on through generations. I discovered that emotional and physical abuse makes us develop an insecure attachment style with dysfunctional coping mechanisms, affecting the quality of our relationships and making us prone to addictions.

I realized my intense infatuations were a way to dissociate from reality and seek pleasure to anesthetize my life-long emotional pain.

I am currently collaborating with data scientist Andrew Hill, and together we designed an anonymous survey to assess how people experience emotions in relationships according to their attachment style. (Link to the surveys: https://forms.gle/C73DtN9CMN and https://forms.gle/i8YHZcH6pSBgbYHi6). The surveys provide a safe space of expression which will also give us insight into how people feel and perceive their intimacy. The next step is to design an interactive website where people can answer the survey and navigate other people's experiences.

Through this interdisciplinary scrutinization of relationships, Neuromantic delves into dysfunctional relationships to ultimately highlight why healthy relationships and trauma integration are for our wellbeing.

© Ana Vallejo - Image from the Neuromantic photography project

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A Primordial Drive, Human beings who do not experience a sufficiently secure base develop insecure patterns of attachment... Insecure individuals will face difficulties in forming relationships with others. Psychotropic substances then might become attractive as one way to "self-medicate". " source: "Attachment and Substance Use Disorders—Theoretical Models, Empirical Evidence, and Implications for Treatment"

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Love Induced Analgesia, Romantic love activates pleasure in the reward system. Thus love induced analgesia reduces emotional and physical pain. source: Tamam, Sofina, and Asma Hayati Ahmad. “Love as a Modulator of Pain.”

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It's in My Blood, There is now converging evidence supporting the idea that offspring are affected by parental trauma exposures occurring before their birth, and possibly even prior to their conception. On the simplest level, the concept of intergenerational trauma acknowledges that exposure to extremely adverse events impacts individuals to such a great extent that their offspring find themselves grappling with their parents’ post‐traumatic state. A more recent and provocative claim is that the experience of trauma – or more accurately the effect of that experience – is “passed” from one generation to the next through non‐genomic, possibly epigenetic mechanisms affecting DNA function or gene transcription. Source: Yehuda, Rachel, and Amy Lehrner. “Intergenerational transmission of trauma effects: putative role of epigenetic mechanisms.”

© Ana Vallejo - Image from the Neuromantic photography project

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Disthymia, To diagnose this condition, an adult must have a depressed mood for at least 2 years. Dysthymia differs most notably from major depressive disorder in that it lasts longer but is milder. Others may think the symptoms are a part of your personality. That you’re just a gloomy, pessimistic, or overly critical person. Major depression tends to be much more severe than dysthymic depression. Symptoms may include: Lasting sad, anxious, or “empty” mood Less ability to concentrate, think, and/or make decisions Less energy Fatigue Feeling hopeless Weight and/or appetite changes due to over- or under-eating Changes in sleep patterns, such as fitful sleep, inability to sleep, early morning awakening, or sleeping too much Low self-esteem Source: “Dysthymia.” Johns Hopkins Medicine, <a href="https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/dysthymia" target="_blank">https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/dysthymia</a>. And “Dysthymia vs. Depression: What's the Difference in Symptoms and Treatment?” Mind Diagnostics, Mind Diagnostics, 22 Dec. 2020

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I Let Go, I'm Calm, Collage made from a denounce that I made on April 2019 about a sexual assault on March 22 2013: "In that moment I was alone, for example didn’t want to talk about it publicly because it was outside of the school it took me two months to assimilate what had happened. I didn’t have the knowledge it was taboo and they worried more about my image in society so neither offer help I had the strength to start a process my testimony crime feel too much anxiety rage pain. I think. I didn’t know him. a prudent normal distance between two people who just met. I fall asleep. I wake up. I feel something is not OK. moment I am confused because I am recovering consciousness and I don’t understand what is happening. I start to scream, cry, and hit him. I told a variety teachers. They couldn’t. I went out. Denigrated. Precautions. Could go to prison. Time after. Calm."

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What About Consent, "Emotional and physical abuse has negative effects on an individual's capacity to regulate emotions. Hence, the person is unable to effectively regulate stress and anxiety when conflict arises. Source: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services

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For My Dad, When I was a newborn, my 17-year-old mother and 18-year-old father briefly rented a small studio that was part of a bigger house. One time, everyone in my family was out of town except for my father. When my grandparents were back, they went to see him and found my father in a fetal position in a completely empty apartment saying he couldn't stop hearing voices coming out of the power outlets. He had sold every single thing in the studio (as he had sold things many other times) and consumed it in drugs. My father is 53 years old now and has an advanced stage of schizophrenia.

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Danger + Pleasure = Shame. There are three elements present in unprocessed trauma: Trauma shaming- involves the victim feeling defective in one way or another as a result of the trauma. His/her identity becomes shame-based, making it impossible to achieve a healthy sense of self. Traumatic Repetition- An individual repeats the victimization in some form in an attempt to gain mastery over it, which reinforces the deep wounding over and over again. Trauma Bonding- trauma fuses a bond between the abuser and victim in which the two replay their original trauma. source: Kushner, Y. (2022). Trauma Bonds: Why People Bond To Those Who Hurt Them | New Leaf Center. New Leaf Center. Retrieved March 16, 2022, from <a href="https://newleafcenter.com/trauma-bonds-why-people-bond-to-those-who-hurt-them/" target="_blank">https://newleafcenter.com/trauma-bonds-why-people-bond-to-those-who-hurt-them/</a>

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Repressed, Many times we can't acknowledge the life long shame and the pain of growing up with unmet needs. The repression of these emotions and anger leads to the chronic secretion of stress hormones, such as cortisol, that suppress the immune system. leads to the chronic secretion of stress hormones, such as cortisol, that suppress the immune system. The body’s defenses are disarmed against infection from the outside or malignant changes from within. When anger turns against the self, as it does in people unable to express it in a healthy way, hormonal imbalances can induce the immune system to mutiny against the body. source: Lee, S. (2021, July 13). The Wisdom of Trauma. Dr. Gabor Maté. <a href="https://drgabormate.com/the-wisdom-of-trauma/" target="_blank">https://drgabormate.com/the-wisdom-of-trauma/</a> and Lee, S. (2017, May 17). Gabor Maté the healing force within. Dr. Gabor Maté. <a href="https://drgabormate.com/healing-force-within" target="_blank">https://drgabormate.com/healing-force-within</a>

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Ruminations, constant and repetitive thoughts about something; typically, a problem or situation. When could ruminating become a problem? It’s frequent It’s ongoing It leads to negative moods and negative opinions of oneself It interferes with your ability to engage in daily tasks, concentrate, relate to others, and experience positive emotions. Common signs that highlight the presence of excessive rumination are: Increased depression and anxiety Constantly feeling fatigued, overwhelmed, and tired Are you ruminating about an unsolvable problem or something you can’t change/control at the moment? source: <a href="https://thepsychologygroup.com/ruminating-thoughts-and-anxiety" target="_blank">https://thepsychologygroup.com/ruminating-thoughts-and-anxiety</a> source: “Rumination: When Your Thoughts Don't Have an off Button.” The Psychology Group Fort Lauderdale, 29 Mar. 2022, <a href="https://thepsychologygroup.com/ruminating-thoughts-and-anxiety/" target="_blank">https://thepsychologygroup.com/ruminating-thoughts-and-anxiety/</a>.

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Jaded in Compatible Ways, Several researchers have taken the position that addiction is a disease of the reward system in the brain. Source: Fisher, Helen E et al. “Intense, Passionate, Romantic Love: A Natural Addiction? How the Fields That Investigate Romance and Substance Abuse Can Inform Each Other.”

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Re.lapse, /ˈrēˌlaps/ a deterioration in someone's state of health after a temporary improvement. source: Oxford Dictionary

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Hugging and other forms of nonsexual touching cause your brain to release oxytocin, known as the "bonding hormone." This stimulates the release of other feel-good hormones, such as dopamine and serotonin, while reducing stress hormones, such as cortisol and norepinephrine. These neurochemical changes make you feel happier and less stressed. Research suggests that being touched can also lower your heart rate and blood pressure, lessen depression and anxiety, boost your immune system, and even relieve pain. source: Holland, T. M. (2018, April 28). Facts About Touch: How Human Contact Affects Your Health and Relationships. Dignity Health | Facts About Touch. Retrieved March 15, 2022, from <a href="https://www.dignityhealth.org/articles/facts-about-touch-how-human-contact-affects-your-health-and-relationships#:~:text=Hugging%20and%20other%20forms%20of,such%20as%20cortisol%20and%20norepinephrine" target="_blank">https://www.dignityhealth.org/articles/facts-about-touch-how-human-contact-affects-your-health-and-relationships#:~:text=Hugging%20and%20other%20forms%20of,such%20as%20cortisol%20and%20norepinephrine</a>.

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Insecure, As young children are born into a world of unknowns , they quickly begin to understand the characteristics of those who care for them. Those characteristics guide them biologically and behaviorally to prepare for a life of security or adversity. Early experiences of family conflict, limited resources (such as economic scarcity), and poor parenting (unavailable or unreliable parents) are biological signals of the environmental conditions into which the child has been born, when children are born into a world where resources are scarce and violence is a constant possibility, neurobiological changes may make them wary and vigilant, foster quick and strong reactions to perceptions of danger But there are several trade-offs. First, mental resources devoted to vigilance cannot as readily be devoted to learning and problem-solving. They might find it hard to concentrate, focus on tasks, remember things, and control and regulate their emotions Second, A social orientation toward detecting threats coupled with poor emotion regulation, makes it hard to develop constructive relationships. Furthermore, these children have trouble controlling their impulses and emotions Thirdly, chronic activation of the neuroendocrine , cardiovascular, and immunological systems extracts a cost. These systems are designed for short-term activation, and chronic arousal may compromise immunological functioning. Source: Stress and Child Development by Ross A Thompson

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I Wish I Could Heal Your Pain, The bathroom became åa recurrent place in the stories of trauma that I started to uncover in my family tree.

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Can't Fill the Void, "People who experienced childhood trauma have been documented to have changes in the brain and nervous system that can be long-lasting. One of these changes is a larger or overactive amygdala. Deep in the center of the brain, the amygdala is involved in detecting and responding to threats, among other functions. People who have this symptom might detect danger or threats where there are none, thus becoming afraid or worrying over even minor occurrences. The worry and anxiety these people experience can feel very real and distressing, even when there is nothing to worry about, and can be difficult to calm down." source: How Childhood Trauma Related to Present Day Anxiety and Panic by Vassilia Binensztok, Phd, LMHC, NCC

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Co-Dependance, "Anxious individuals may be more willing than others to tolerate sustained abuse from intimate partners. Even when a partner’s response is negative, preoccupied individuals may perceive this as evidence that their partner is engaged, and, in a perverse sense, more intimately involved. Thus, preoccupied individuals could be at an increased risk of tolerating abuse from a partner." Source: When Loving Means Hurting: An Exploration of Attachment and Intimate Abuse In a Community Sample

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Guilt + Shame People who were emotionally or physically abused may learn to link fear and pleasure. They may rely on addictive, dangerous, and or violent behavior to feel high arousal and stimulation followed by guilt and shame (trauma pleasure). source: The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships, Patrick Carnes, Ph.D.

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Molecules of Love A number of neurotransmitters has been associated with the experience of love. The rewarding and pleasurable feeling of love results from the release of dopamine tied to the brain reward system (10, 11). Oxytocin and vasopressin are the most prominent hormones implicated in pair bonding, as studied in monogamous animals (12), and those implicated in love; not just between partners, but also between friends, or a mother and her child (13, 14). Vasopressin, the attachment hormone, increases the fear and stress response and induces partner bonding in males. Oxytocin has anxiolytic and stress-reducing effects and expedites partner bonding in females (14, 15). With the binding of oxytocin and vasopressin, the subcortical dopaminergic reward-related system is activated and extends to the medial insula, anterior cingulate cortex, hippocampus, striatum and hypothalamus, thereby contributing to the rewarding experience of love. Tamam, Sofina, and Asma Hayati Ahmad. “Love as a Modulator of Pain.” The Malaysian Journal of Medical Sciences : MJMS, Penerbit Universiti Sains Malaysia, May 2017, <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5545613/" target="_blank">https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5545613/</a>.

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A Reconstruction of MEaning, Self-portrait. "After an experience of trauma, the survivor’s world can never be quite the same again. Previous beliefs and assumptions may be profoundly challenged and the survivor must search for new beliefs and assumptions that can enable him or her to make sense of what has taken place and to go forward into the future. For some survivors, the trauma may leave behind an ongoing sense of meaninglessness, raising troubling questions about themselves, others and the world for which no satisfactory answer can be found. Others may reevaluate their lives, developing a new appreciation for themselves, other people and existence in general." source: “Social Theory and Trauma.” by Ron Eyerman