Memento Mori

I have always lived in fear that someone dear to me would go away, to lose him forever.

We are not talking about a natural, physiological loss, but about that feeling that pierces your stomach; I wasn't afraid of death. Death is only the vehicle, the instrument, the uncontrolled, the inexorable.

Over the years this thought has never left me, I chased it away in the most classic way: I put it aside, in some corner between brain and heart, very far from the eyes. I created a shield, I raised very high walls, I put on the most resistant armor they have ever made and I protected myself from the fear of abandonment, the fear of absences. I simply learned not to hear anything.

Then something changed in me, but it wasn't a spark, it was the inevitable. That's right: the inevitable. The need arose to understand the primordial form of losses: death. Death as a natural tool to exorcise my terror, my hole in the stomach. This project is a pain therapy, accepting and going back to feeling absences, facing them. Don't be alone with them anymore.

I exorcised her absence with her mother: death.

Memento Mori is edited by Yogurt Magazine. The book will be out soon.