2017 - Ongoing
Indonesia; Germany; Austria; United States
This is an experimental series about the personal journey of returning to oneself. The series marks stages of realization. For a woman, it is a common theme to be 'all things to all people--' to be available at a detriment.
I crafted a persona out of being available--of being responsible 'for' causes instead of 'to' causes. I placed value in relationships, things, and an attractive persona. I feel that women especially face this role--to put the true self on the back burner and nurture the persona with high heat. This series is a simple documentation of the vulnerable and brave road of return back to my true self. Returning to the true self is not negating the persona, rather balancing the weight between both.
It is not as easy as it seems. From what seemed an outer journey at first, became an incredibly dubious inward journey. I hope my photos can relay the story of emotions that come with traveling into the psyche and back to the true nature--that of which is not based upon a persona or in the outside world, but the internal realm of the mind and spirit. Walking into mistakes, retrieving memories, strengthening the intuition, practicing non-duality, and honest observation have all played part for me.
I wanted to find myself in the outside world because that's what I thought I'd be worthy of. I thought taking care of others, acting a certain way, being a special someone, and experiencing 'the best' experiences meant taking care of myself. I've learned that isn't holistic or realistic. Through self-reflection in solitude, studying Jung's persona and the shadow, ego work, and enacting boundaries, I also begun to find inner peace that isn't possible in exploring only the outside world.
And so it continues...