Published on 30th April 2019

All Quiet on the home front

  • I never really knew who I was.
    Then my daughter was born.
    And I became a father.
    And that is what I became

  • The flat were we lived had its own topography.
    The places Isabel could climb or jump from.
    It was a forest of the imagination.

  • To get out of the house,
    I walked with Isabel in the hills
    and fields around our home.
    Wondering how to become the
    father I wanted to be.

  • I always wonder what might have
    been if we hadn’t had a child.
    Parents always wonder what
    might have been.

  • Isabel was eight when she
    started doubting my existence.
    “ What if there’s only me and
    you’re just in my mind? ”

  • I always was morbid but when
    Isabel was born the morbidity
    hit new levels.

  • One day, we were walking on top
    of the ridge above Rhossili Bay.
    Suddenly Isabel span around and shouted:
    ‘‘This is who I am.
    This is me!’’

  • I got to the point where I knew
    who I was as a father.
    We had a shared way of being,
    a shared way of seeing.
    It didn’t last long.

  • I thought being that father in the
    landscape would go on forever.
    But Isabel grew up and so did I.

  • She became herself. I'm still waiting.

All Quiet on the home front

Landscape, Daily Life, Nature & Environment

Tagged with:
  • allquieton thehomefront
  • domesticity
  • landscape
  • childhood
  • fatherhood
  • softfascination
  • colinpantall
  • isabel